Between Bloodlines and The Golden Lily
by AdrianIWish
Summary: As the title says, this happens after the moment in Bloodlines when Dimitri walked in. There's also a bit of the last chapter in there. Try to read it. I hope you'll love it. My friend reccomends. It has lots of spoilers for the whole series. You'll probably like it if you like Sydrian as much as I do. I hope I made a cute affect, but that's for you to tell me! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is the first Fanfiction I'm posting. Until now only my friend read a few. So, this is set between Bloodlines and The Golden Lily. It's in Adrian's POV. I'm sorry if you feel like this is too much about him, but… Deal with it. I love him.**

**So, all the characters and a lot of the plot belongs to the wonderfull Richelle Mead. She wrote the whole Vampire academy and Bloodlines series, in case you didn't know. Also, this is practically made of spoilers. So IF YOU HAVEN'T READ BLOODLINES AND VAMPIRE ACADEMY, DON'T READ!**

**You should also know that English is my foreign language and I've been studying it for real for like last three years, so I'm sorry for my lack of grammar and spelling mistakes.**

**This is about it. It probably won't go all the way to The Golden Lily, but it will have a few chapters. Read and please review, even if it's negative. Bad reviews will only make me a better writer. Enjoy!**

"Please, don't tell anyone. I'm glad I left the Court. I don't like the weather, but I feel like Palm Springs could be good for me. I've got you guys. Art classes. Pine cleaner." She smiled and looked at me. Our eyes met and I first noticed ow gorgeous she actually was. I always knew she was pretty, as I mentioned a few minutes ago, but wow... "My god, Sage. Your eyes. How have I never noticed them before?" She frowned and that warm feeling that always took over me around her spreaded down my body. "What about them?" she asked. "The color. When you stand in the light. They're amazing... Like molten gold. I could pain those..." I reched my hand towards her and moved it back righ away. "They're beautiful. You're beautiful." It was true. I never noticed before, but now I was stunned. It was almost hard to move. I didn't want to make the moment stop. Then I realised I did it again. I said something without thining. She seemed uncomfterable and she took a step back. She probably thought I was all spirit crazy, but it was true. She was so beutiful.  
In that moment someone knocked on the door. We both winced. I blinked. The moment was over. I smiled. She focused, but her yes were still a bit confused. "Let's get this started," I said. She took a deep breath and nodded. I walked towards the door and opened it over dramatically. Abe walked in. The moment his eyes hit mine brought it all back. His eyes were identical to Rose's. But... It didn't hurt as much as it used to. Maybe it was because it wasn't her in person. I calmed down almost immediately. Rose wasn't comming. I still had some time. I wanted to be okay before I would see her or him again.  
Abe gave us a big smile. "Adrian, Sydney... Nice to see you again! One of you already knows this young girl?" He moved aside and a short dhampir girl with hair like fire and contrasting deep blue eyes walked in. "Hi, Angeline," Sydney said. So this was Angline Dawes. I heard her name a few times lately. She was from a community called The Keepers. I heard they lived a wild life somewhere in West Virginia. They hated us royals and lived with old habbits, like human-moroi relationships.  
Sydney was horrified when she heard Angeline was comming, but then she changed her mind. The girl didn't seem as a bad choice for protecting Jill. She looked about her age and she looked confident. Like she wasn't afraid of kicking anyone's ass. I liked her.  
Abe decided to introduce us. "Angeline, this is Adrian Ivashkov," he said. I offered her my hand. "A pleasure to meet you." She hesitated for a second and then shook my hand. "Nice to meet you," she replied and added: "You're too cute to be useful." I chuckled. I knew I like her. "Pure truth," I said. Sydney seemed horrified. "Of course Sydney will want to... tell you a few things about the school," Abe said carefully. "Of course," Sydney replied. "Let Jailbait do it. No, let Castile talk to her. It'll be good for him," I smirked. Sydney checked the hall nehind the door. "You guys aren't alone, right? I heard two more were comming. Sonya too, right?" she asked. Abe nodded. "They'll be right here. Parking the car. The parks here are horrible."  
So, while waiting for them I found out the Alchemists unfortunatelly took Keith's car. Too bad. I was hoping to get it. I really needed one. I also found out Abe might be selling Moroi blood. And that from a reason unknown to me Keith didn't lose his eye in a Strigoi attack. Abe made it happen ad that was Sydney's deal with devill. That was all I knew and it honestly shocked me to the bottom of my soul. Sydney? But no matter how bad I asked, she wouldn't tell me why the fuck... Well, she asked me to trust her and I did. That was when the warm feeling became even warmer. Then Abe started to talk about some stuff I had no idea about but Sydney obviously did and she actually stood up for herself. It was the first time I saw fire in her. Abe got scared. That was something I've never seen before. Everything got quite awkward and poor Angeline had no idea what was going on. Then a knock on the door saved us again. Abe rushed towards it and opened it up and I stepped to Sydney. "Not bad, Sage. You just scared the heck out of good old Mazur." She smiled. "I only know it feels fantastic."  
"You should talk back more often." We both smiled. Her eyes sparkeled and she looked as happy as I've never seen her before. She was even more beautiful than before, but this time I managed to keep my mout shut. The warm feeling became burning hot, but I had no idea what could it be. I wasn't even thinking. It felt fantastic.  
Then a bright golden aura came into my sight. "Sonya's here," I announced and nodded towards the door. She walked in and smiled to us. I had one, but I still found the gold spirit aura fascinating.  
Sonya always seemed suprisingly calm and happy, even though I heard of many problem she had before she turned Strigoi. They were the reason she turned. But I guess restoring healed it all. Or transported it to the spirit user who restored her.  
She gave me a hug. We've met a few times at the Court and became friends. Yeah, spirit was the thing that brought us closer, but she was still nice and fun to talk to and the hug was really no big deal. I was one of the first people to know about her egagement to Mikhail.  
As Sonya stepped towards Sydney, a tall human figure threw a long shadow down the room. I felt the blood in my venes freeze. No. No! It can't be! I wasn't ready! How was I suppose to get over it like this? Or at last act like it? Or even live? Who hated me that much? It couldn't be true. But it was. It was Dimitri Belikov. And he seemed kind of down.

**I know, it's short and only a part of the last Blodlines chapter, but I had to make it in Adrian's POV. The next one will be longer and mine. I'll probably post it in less than a week. Again, please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! I'm back! Sorry it took a while. So, as I promised, the chapter is longer and the plot is mine. The characters still belong to Richelle. Sorry for mistakes… And sorry if this is too Adrian focused. I'm too Adrian focused. 33 And yeah, it took a while to update, but i hope you get it, school is starting (I got 100% on my first test… #SydneyStyle) and I have much to do even if I just wanna write fanfiction. Okay. Enough about me. Thanks for the follows and the kind reviews! I'd love more of those haha… So, review and enjoy!**

Seriously, there was something wrong with Dimitri. He usually gave up those good vibes that made everyone around him but me feel good. He was definetley a positive person. If it wasn't for... that thing... I'd probably admire him and look after him. He was really like a superhero, even though I made fun of it. Thre was nothing he couldn't do. I guess after what Rose told me, how he tried not to do... that... because of me, I still had some respect for him deep down inside. I trusted him. I just couldn't show it. Or be friends with him. I had a feeling it was going to be like that for a while.  
However, all those things about him that usually made people feel good, including his unbelievable good looks or whatever, were gone today. Of course he was wearing his duster, but that was about it. He smiled when he walked in, although he couldn't keep eyecontact with me, but for the first time I've known him, his smile was fake. His aura was usually bright orange, meaning energy and inspiration for others. But today there was a dark shadow over it, making it look almost grey.  
It had to be something awful that made Belikov feel bad. Problems with Rose? Sounded familiar to me. But I didn't say anything. I didn't really care. I didn't really want to talk to him. It was none of m bussines. And I had enough problems of my own. Like the fact that I was still standing straight with my mouth open. I didn't want him here. Palm Springs was my place to heal my broken heart. How was I suppose to do that with the reason for it right in front of me?  
"Hi, everyone," Dimitri said and gave us a nodd. He tried to sound happy, but didn't fool me. I finally unfreezed. My murmur was lost in tons of responses he recieved.  
They talked for a while and I kept on the side for the first time in my life, lost in all the dark thouhts that came over me. Rose was definetly in many of them.  
I saw Sydney watching me a few times. She figured everything out. She got me. Next to Jill she was the only one. I felt so good net to her. Her looks kind of comforted and silented the dark thoughts for a while. And the warm feeling... It was a bit weird all together. But it felt good. Only a few minutes ago, before I recieved the second biggest shock of my life, we had that awesome moment, when I felt like we can tell eachother everyhing.  
"What will this research even include?" she asked. Good question, Sage. This caught my attention. Sonya answered. It looked like she knew the most. "Well, it includes testing a restored Strigoi, that's Dimitri, and someone who had nothing to do Strigoi, a Dhampir possibly, to see how they both react on same use of spirit and so. We're hoping to find out what protects the restored Strigoi from changing again that way." Huh. I didn't see another Dhampir guinie pig. "Oh, that reminds me. Eddie said he'd be happy to help you with the testing," said Sydney. Castile? What did I miss?  
However, when Angeline showed us she was bored very clearly by throwing herself on my couch and yelling "Lets ****** go to ******* now! I'm ***** bored!" they decided it was about the time. I didn't really mind. I was gonna see them a lot from now on, so...  
They all went out, but Sydney turned around at the door. Our eyes met again and I smiled. "I'll be out in a minute," she said to the others and came back in. I knew why.  
"Why?" I sighed. "Well, he is one of the rare restored Strigoi." I rolled my eyes. "I know. But why? Why is this happening to me? Why did it happen in the first place? Why now, the very first moment I fel myself moving on, he has to come and make me remember all of it? Like seeing them at Court every second of every day wasn't bad enough! Now he has to be here to throw it in my face! Like someone's making fun of me! I know, I know, I deserve it all, I'm a awful person and I totally ruined Rose's and Jill's life and make yours miserable while we're at it, but I want to be better! And the very first second..." I shutted up. I was starting to repeat myself. Was it that bad? And I also realised I was yelling at her. It wasn't even her fault. "Sorry." She shook her head. "It's okay. And it'll be fine, you'll see! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Besides, I don't get it how did you ruin Rose's life. And you saved Jill's. And you defimetly didn't make my life miserable. I needed that. You gave me... Sense. Something fun, something I was always missing." There it was. The feeling. Nobody ever told me anything like that before. So, it was like fire somehow. Suddenly it felt familiar.  
"And he won't thow it in your face. I know him a bit. He's not like that. He'll be nice to you. As much as you'll let him." I felt pain in that moment. Pain I haven't felt for a while before. I think it was jelousy. Not that burning hot that makes you want to smash the whole world. The one eating you from the inside, knowing how much better he was and that you'll never be good enough. "Sage, I can't just be friends with him. I now that's what he wants and so does Rose, but it still hurts me too much. I was getting over it, but I can't now because he's here and every time I see him it hurts. Do you have any idea how much it hurts?" She gave me a sad smile. "No. But everytime you'll se him it will hurt less. And anyay, I think you're ready for that, you know. It will even help you a bit. I don't think t'll be that bad. You'll get over it faster." I laughed. She had no idea how good I was at pretending. "I guess you have a point, Sage. Thanks for caring. And everything else. I wouldn't be where I am without you." She stepped closer and gave me a hug. This was the first time she did something like that. Any other time I'd probably comment something about evil creatures of the night, but I didn't. Her body next to mine felt amazingly good. "Same here," she whispered. Then she joined the others and left me alone with an unexplain wish of wanting her to stay. I crashed on the couch and searched for cigaretts. Jill called me. "Hey," she said. "Hey. What do I owe this honor to, Jailbait?" She snorted. "I just wanted to check how you're doing and if you're not drunk yet in person." I laughed. "If I was gonna get drunk we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I'd probably be laying somewhere not knowing I exist. But it's a weeknight and as much as know you poor things have a math test tommorrow." She groaned. "So however, hold on. Sydney's right. It'll be fine. You know I'm always here if you need me Oh, and I'm sorry if I ever gave you the feeling you ruined my life. You didn't. Thanks for saving me. Sorry you can't drink because of me. If anyone is ruining lifes here, it's me," she said. "Nah, you're good for me. I think my dad would almost be happy if he knew." So we talked like that for a while. She told me they'd be away for the afternoon because Angeline brought horribly small amounts of luggage. Then she hung off because they were leaving.  
A few mintes later I got a text from Sydney.  
_I also wanted to tell you you're not a bad person. You even quitted drinking for Jill just like that. We'll talk about that in person._  
I smiled. _Are you text driving?I s wouldn't exepct that from you._ I wrote back. No response.  
It looked like I finally had some time to think. I didn't do it that often, but this time I had no choice. Since Sydney told me all that stuff, Dimitri's arrival didn't seem that horrible anymore. I remembered the feeling she gave me the last few days and how it increased when she hugged me. It was so familliar... Then I remembered. It was exactly how I felt with Rose in the beginning. Exept that with Rose it happend so sudden and intense. Maybe... Maybe it went more slow with Sydney because I still had feelings for Rose. So… Was it possible that... Was I in love with Sydney? Yeah. It was the same. No doubt. I was in love with Sydney. It took me while to realise it, but... It explained the way I felt around her, the way her touches made me feel, why insted of having nightmares like I usually did, I dreamed of her since the night Lee died. I was in love with Sydney. It made sense. I mean... Anyone who looked at her would see how gorgeous she was. And that wasn't all of it. She was nice and smart and funny and she made me feel like even Rose couldn't.  
Again, my phone rang. Again, it was Jill. "DON'T YOU EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LOUD I SCREAMED? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW PEOPLE LOOK IF YOU SCREAM IN THE MIDDLE OF A PALM SPIRNGS BOOK SHOP?" she exclaimed. "Sorry. It was a shock for me too," I replied. I didn't like the silence on the other side one bit. Then she finally stuttered: "So you were... Being serious? I thought... I thought you were just messing with me." I almost laughed. "Jailbait, would I really make fun of something like that? No, don't answer that. But I was serious." This time I almost wished for the silence to come back. "You can't be in love with her! She's human! An Alchemist! She'd never... You can't!" Thank goodness I had the bond with someone so supportive. "Wow, Jailbait. Come here and controll love. Look, I know. It's not like I want anything from her. I mean, I guess I do, but I know she wouldn't want anything. I'm not gonna tell her." Jill sighed. "Well, at least you're over Rose. Right?" I smiled to myself. "Not really. Don't ask. I don't know. You'll probably get it better than I do in a while." Jill just snorted and hung off. I wonder what she told her overly loyal guardian about the scream.  
I placed on my couch again. Now I knew why Sydney was the one on my mind. Although that didn't change it. But I really had to think about what I felt for Rose, no matter how much would it hurt. My feelings were a mess anyway. Yeah, it still hurted. I still loved her. Or was I just heartbroken? I had no idea. Maybe I'd know if I saw her.  
My phone rang AGAIN. Who could that be? Of course I answered. "Hi, Adrian," a familiar voice said with a kind of a weird tone. But that wasn't the thing that shocked me about it. "Rose?"  
"Yes, it's me," she replied. My heartbeat went wild. Rose? Like, she actually called me? I didn't even know what to think. But I got the feeling I was going to find out why Dimitri was so down.  
Awkard silence was between us. We were never quiet. What happened? What have I done? I wanted her in my life. But it still hurted...  
"Look, I only wanted to tell you something that'll might make you feel better. Dimitri broke up with me," she said. Her voice was shaking. Yes, that was definetly the reason. "What? Why? And why on earth would that make me feel better?" Weird sounds were commimg from the phone. "Because... Because I thought you didn't want me to be with him! I thought you hate me!" Seriously, what have I done? "Rose, I never said that! I want you to be happy! I love you, dammit! When I said I could never hate you, I meant it! Rose... are you crying?" She just sobbed out loud. I've never seen her really crying. I felt the uncredible need to comfort her. "Hey, here are you right now?"  
"In my room. I asked Lissa for a few days off." At least that. As much as I knew her, she'd never put her duty on the side. "Okay. Go to sleep. I'll come to your dreams. We need to talk about this in person." She sobbed again. "Okay... Just give me a few minutes." Then she hung off.  
I closed my eyes and went trough my hair with my fingers, trying to calm down. Ironic. Only a few minutes ago I thought I might knew how I felt if I saw her. Now I was gonna. And I didn't feel nervous. I knew how she felt. But I also didn't doubt for a second she wasn't going to stay broken up with Dimitri. He was just as miserable as she was. So we were going to talk about us.  
About ten minutes later I decided she was probably asleep already. I took a deep breath and focused on getting into her dreams. I felt my mind becoming bigger than my body and leaving it. Soon I was in her room, right next to her.  
I've been in her room before. I've slept in it. And usually it was quite a mess in there. Clothes lying everywhere, dirty dishes on the table, open CD boxes on the floor... But this time everything was clean. I'm talking spotless. Exept for the sea of tishues on the bed. And Rose... She was the oposite of her room. A mess. She was weaing pajamas, her hair looked like a bird nest, her eyes were swollen and red with big purple bags under them. I didn't even had te guts to look at her was still crying. I sat down to her and gave her a hug. She leaned on me and sobbed wildly. We were like that for a while. She wasn't even able to talk but I had a pretty good idea that's what she needed. Someone next to her.  
After a while she calmed down to the poin when she was only weeping quietly. "So... what actually happened?" I finally asked. She looked at me like she was wondering if I can take it. I could take anything by now. She probably realised it, because she closed her eyes and nodded. "Okay, here's what happened. Umm... Yesterday evening Dimitri came over. We had a dinner. Then... well... he proposed." She looked at me. Every single one of her words was like a stake into my heart, but I don't think I gave myself away. Not this time. My face was straight. She continued. "I said no. He... He just said okay and stormed out. He didn't even let me explain! Sonya asked him to come a few days before. But he said no. Well, after I turned him down, he decided to go. So I couldn't explain... Now he's never goimg to take me back because there are two options: he was just trying to get ridd of me because he knew I was gonna say no... Or he actually wanted to marry me and I messed everything up!" I barely kept myself from laughing. "You actually believe that? That you're going to stay apart? Have you thought of the third option? He wanted to marry you because he wants to stay with you for the rest of his life, but now he thinks you don't want that. But you do! You only said no because you're too young and have too much work with Lissa and maybe things will change about dhampir relationships and if you don't marry him right now it won't make a difference because you want to stay with him forever and ever and ever! But you didn't mess it up because he's just as miserable as you are! He loves you! He wants you back!" Rose's eyes became big. "What the..."  
"Umm... Okay, maybe I went too far. Auras really help." She sighed and leaned on my shoulder. "So if you're right... I can't just go there and get back together with him! He won't listen! And anyway... Your feelings are here too," she said. If I wasn't sitting I'd fall on my butt. "What do my feelings have to do with this?" She smiled. "Well, you said it yourself we have to talk. I want to know how you feel." I took a deep breath. "Rose... my feelings for you used to be the clearest and the most confused thing in my life at the same time. From the moment I met you, I knew I had to be around you. It was your look at first, yes. I admired you. But... it wasn't as shallow and meaningless as all the other girls I knew. Then I fell in love with your personality. You were the real reason I left to st. Vladimir's. Yes, colidge annoyed me and I wanted to know more about spirit, but if it wasn't for you... you were my first love. When you walked into the room, I couldn't be anything else than happy, even if you were about to kill someone. When you touched me, my whole body burned. When you smiled, I could barely stand on my feet. Every word you said to me, no matter how despiteful it was, made me happy you're even talking to me. When you said yes... I thought I could never be happier. It was the best time of my life. Since Vegas it only went down, but it was still better than my whole life before. Since... that... happened... it only went liquid. You were the only thing on my mind and everything, every morning I woke up, every glass I drank, every night I fell asleep, waa filled with pain I never felt before, pain I can't explain. But since Palm Springs... it's different. It didn't change in a moment and I don't know what it was, but it's better now. Maybe it's Jill. Maybe it's being away from you and not having it thrown into my face every moment of my life. Maybe it's not drinking. Maybe it's time, maybe it's life, hell, I don't know what it is! Maybe it's all of it. You're still on my mind. Just not constantly. I still feel betrayed and even know I'm trying to forgive you, it still hurts. When you're right here, next to me, I still want to touch you. Kiss you. But my mind tells me I shouldn't be with you anymore and I listen to it. I want to be the one next to you, I want to be him... but if you wanted to be with me again, I'd say no. I'm still getting over it and I'm gonna need a lot of time. Maybe I'll never get over it completely. You'll always be a part of my heart. A part of me. But... I also want you to be a part of my life. The energy you have, no matter how sad or angry, still makes me want to be around you, no matter what you did. No matter how it hurts. I want to be your friend and maybe... maybe... maybe someday I will be again. But three things I said, no matter gow crazy I am, will always be true:  
-I could never hate you,  
-you could never chase me away,  
-I want you to be happy. Even if it has to be with him."  
Rose hugged me. I realised she was crying again. "I'm so sorry..."  
"No, Rose, I'm sorry. I made you feel like it was your fault, but it really wasn't. It was mine."  
"Let's just share the blame."  
"Okay. And forget about it. By the time I'm comming from Palm Springs, I'll get over it. So..." She nodded. We hugged again. I meant every word I said. I just didn't know if I was heartbroken or was it just a combination of deeply caring about her and feeling hurt after what she did. And Sydney... I felt my heart beat faster than ever after just thinking about her.  
After a few minutes I felt myself fading away. "Hey, what's going on? Where are you going?" she asked. "Umm... someone or something is waking me up. So bye I guess." I still didn't tell her I wasn't actually asleep while dream walking. She waved goodbye and I found myself on my couch again.  
My phone woke me up. I really couldn't get a break today. But it was Sydney. My heart speeded up as I answered. "Hello?"  
"Adrian! Did I wake you up? Eh, i doesn't matter. I need your help." I've never heard Sydney that worried. "What's wrong?"  
"So... we were going back from the center to Amberwood. And then... Strigoi came from everywhere! They attacked us! Eddie killed them all."  
"Then what's the problem?"  
"While fighting one of them... Eddie fell of a cliff."

**Oh, no! Eddie fell of a cliff! What happens next? Just how much do I love him? Come and check it out, but just so you know, it continues with The Golden Lily soon. Or does it? Find out yourself! Oh, and all the Romitri scene… I hope you like it because more's comming up! Again, the next chapter in up to a week!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Back! Hope I didn't take too long. This chapter's gonna be a bit more down. Some of them have to be. Guest (doodahdoodah), thank you for your review! You all are so kind… I was hoping to hit him right. So, as always, sorry for mistakes, the characters belong to Richelle Mead, and… Read and review! Now check out how much do I love Eddie.**

"What? He fell of a cliff? Is he... alive?" Okay, this was bigger than my personal drama. He could be dead!  
"Yeah, he's alive. We're on a sort of a yell - communication with him. He says he's fine, exept that one of his legs hurts horribly and he can't feel the other. But it's still there. The leg. The problem is that we can't get him up. You think you can help?" Hurts horribly? I've never heard Eddie saying something hurts him. This was bad. "Umm... How deep is he? I know someone who has a ladder."  
"About 150 feet."  
"Huh. Problem. I'm on my way. Oh. Wait. How am I getting there? Where are you anyway?"  
"I didn't think of that. Just call Sonya and Dimitri, okay?" she sighed. "Good idea, how didn't you think of calling the super Belikov before? I mean, what can I do he can't? What can I do anyway?"  
"Adrian! This is serious! I didn't want to call them because I assumed they're tired after an all day car ride! And you can help! Now call one of them an get your butt in here!" Okay. I kept the "Belikov needs sleep?" comment for myself and called Sonya. In a few minutes we were there. Of course Dimitri had to come, but that didn't really matter.  
When we arrived, the first thing we saw was Jill crying. I jumped out of that car and ran to her. "Jailbait, don't worry! We'll get him out! He'll be fine!"  
"He's not fine! He's not fine at all! All because of me! He's only here because of me! I can't let anything happen to him! But how on earth are we gonna ge him out?" she cried. "Don't worry. Dimitri has a rope. And we can still call the fire department."  
Sydney and Angeline were leaning off the cliff to see him. He was deep down. We tried to get him up, but the rope was too short and suddenly the phone signal was gone too. We were all starting to give up and I think Eddie himself actually had the most hope of us all.  
"I'll go find someone with the car or something," Dimitri sighed. "Wait a sec. I might have an idea," I replied. I stepped to the edge of the cliff and looked down at Eddie. "What now?" he yelled. "I'm gonna try something! Don't move!" I yelled back. I was about to try a skill I heard some spirit users had. People were suppose to learn anything in an emergency. That's how I brought Jill back. So I just stared at Eddie, doing what I've seen people do before. I tried to move him with my look. It seemed like I was going to fail. "What is he doing?" Angeline asked. "Trying to use telekinesis. A skill some spirit users have. A skill that can move objects and even people with only a power of look," Jill replied. "He can do that?" Sonya asked stunned. "Not yet."  
How was I suppose to do it if I was listening to the converstion in the back? I focused so hard my head was starting to hurt. I brought all of my good memories back and filled my whole body with happiness I didn't really feel. But it was good enough for spirit. Eddie's body was starting to raise. That gave me a bomb of happy energy and the rest was a piece of cake. Eddie was up in a few minutes. "You did it!" Jill screamed and rushed towards us.  
Eddie's legs were weirdly crawled and it really seemed like something was wrong with them. "We should get him to the hospital," said Sydney. Suddenly everyone was there. My eyes met Sydney's and the world around us faded.  
A few seconds, maybe minutes later Jill elbowed me. A very intense, very loud discusson about what we should do with Eddie started. "Look, we really can't have any trouble. We should take him to a Moroi hospital," said Sydney. "Well, we can't risk his health! Moroi hospitals are too far away! And he's a Dhampir, he looks completely human," Dimitri argued. "I just want him to be fine! Let's take him to the closest hospital and they'll help him," Jill said. "I'm fine, I don't even need a hospital or anything," Eddie said convinced hardly. I snorted. It was obvious he wasn't fine at all. Nobody heard him anyway. "I think he'll be fine. I've seen lots of stuff like this. He might lose a toe or two, but he'll be fine," Angeline noted. This was getting kind of ridiculos. "No, Sydney's right! We can't risk!" That was Sonya. "What we can't risk is his health!" Jill exclaimed. Then they became impossible to follow. They were just yelling at eachother.  
I shook my head and turned to Eddie. "None of this will be neccesarry," I told him. Then I touched one of his legs. Before healing I of course felt the injury. And his legs were crushed completely. What was in them could barely be called bones. It was bad. I wasn't sure before, but now I knew I had to heal him to make sure he'll ever be able to walk again. "Isn't this extremly dangerous and has major effects or something? Like, you shouldn't be doing this?" he asked. "Nah, I'll be fine. Sometimes you just have to do stuff like this. And what do you think the research will be other than using spirit?" He nodded in agreement. I did similar stuff as before, like focused and that shit. The positive energy was even more important with healing, but I didn't have problems with that anymore. I was pretty high since the last time. I lied before, it was gonna be bad, but I had to sacrifice a few hours of feeling good (I wouldn't be happy anyway) for Eddie. And also Jill.  
Eddie was able to stand in a few minutes. He was a bit dizzy, but he got right up and walked towards the others. They were still arguing, but when they saw him they almost fell on their buts. For some reason I found that extremly hilarious. Some reason was spirit. I was even higher than before and that was promising a very painful landing.  
Jill shott me with a killer look. She came towards me and I was pretty sure she was gonna slap me. She didn't. "You used spirit to heal him? Are you out of your mind? You know what will happen! And how do you plan on working? Or anything?"  
"Relax, Jailbait! I'll be okay! He'll be okay. Everything's okay. Spirit's alway a risk. Life's a risk. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't live!"  
"We'll see how you'll feel about that in a few hours," she said with sadness in her voice. But I was too extatic to care. It eventually spreaded over her too, but I still knew she was upset.  
We set back. My apartment suddenly seemed too small for all of my energy. I was so happy! I didn't know what to do with it. I was hiperactive for a while so I started to paint. That was what I usually did in moments like that. I didn't know what was I doing. It lasted for about half an hour. Then I felt my good mood fade and the darkness taking over. A moment ago I had so many ideas, but now they all seemed stupid. Everything was stupid. And I still wasn't worth it. I was the stupidest of all. The room was startng to choke me. I had to get out.  
I stormed out of my apartment and slammed the door behind me. Why did I do that? It wasn't the door's fault! I was such a fucking idiot! There was a bridge nearby. It would be great to jump off it. What? No! The small, small reasonable side of me stopped me. I couldn't jump off a bridge beause of spirit! Idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot!  
I had nothing else to do than to go away. I just kept walking and walking as fast as I could, not knowing where I'm going, blinded by all the dark feelings comming after me. I don't know when I stopped or where did I end up. It was a dirty, empty street, filled with garbage. There were no lamps. The only light in the dark night was the moon. And it wasn't like in a movie where everytime someone goes outside the moon is full. There was only half of it and it was almost hidden behind a cloud. But I was used to nights like this, exept that this one was warmer. Anyway, I saw well enough. I used to live on night schedule and all Moroi have better vision than human.  
So, I looked around. I've never been on a street like this before. Spoiled little royals like me were never even alowed to leave their family properties or boarding schools they were in. I was lucky to live at Court. All the parties were there. You had everything you could ever wish for. Exept for freedom, of course. That's one of the main reasons I loved Palm Springs so much. Since I was 21, I could leave whenever I wanted, but I just didn't have the guts to do so. St. Vladimir doesn't count. It was even more protected. Now I was, thanks to Jill, literally forced to leave. And it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.  
No one was outside right now. Not at this street. It wasn't that late, but anyone would choose somewhere prettier to go. People always choose prettier. Like Rose. The bad mood was back. Who am I kidding, it was never gone.  
I looked at my right. There was a trashcan. It wasn't funny at all and I didn't find it funny, but suddenly I was laughing so hard I was almost rolling on the floor.  
A few minutes later a group of young girls came by. I didn't really check them out, but they were quite good looking. Thy were staring at me and I couldn't really blame them. I was in the weirdest position ever. They started to whisper when they were a few feet away. Unfortunately for them, Moroi also have exellent hearing. "Too bad, he's cute," one of them said. That made me laugh even more. "Yeah, but he's crazy. Forget him. I don't even think he noticed us," another one said. Man, she was right. I was laughing so hard I almost lost my voice. In the end I was sitting on the floor.  
Later another girl crossed the street. She stopped next to me. "Hey, what's up with you? Are you drunk?" she asked. I managed to stop laughing. "No, not yet. But thanks for the idea. I'll keep that in mind," I said. "Then why were you laughing so hard? What's so funny about a trashcan?" I took a good look at her. She was about my age, maybe a bit older. Not a gorgeous beauty. Her eyes were a mix of brown and green, her hair was light brown and a bit above her shoulders. She was not tall or short, she had a good body I guess. Her face was nothing special. She probably wouldn't stand out if it wasn't for her smile and the way her whole body shouted 'confident'. You couldn't take your eyes off of her. In the same way as Rose. Just not as pretty. Yay, pain.  
"You know what? There's nothing funny about a trashcan. I don't find it funny at all. But it was so ironic, you know. I didn't even know where I was going and suddenly I ended up next to a trashcan. I'm a trashcan. I'm probably losing my mind. Something's wrong with me. But I can't do anything about it. It just kills me. Maybe it's because I've been a trashcan my whole life." Okay, I didn't mean to tell her my life story, but something about her made me feel like I can trust her. "Girl problems? Maybe you're just in love," she noted. I laughed. "Yeah, that too. But there's more than that. I just can't explain." Love... Sydney or Rose? I still had no idea. Both of them probably. "I'm sure you'll work it out. Life's not as bad as it sometimes seems."  
"Heh, thanks. Has anyone ever told you you're a sunshine?"  
"My boyfriend. I'm suppose to meet him right now, sorry. Oh, and let me just let you know you don't look a bit like a trashcan," she said. I smiled. The poor girl thought I was flirting with her. That was just my way. Some girls loved it, but they took it the wrong way. One more thing to hate about myself."I know. But that's just looks, honey. Don't be so naive. Be happy you don't know me for real."  
"No, I don't believe that. There's a difference between badass, I'm sure you're one when you feel okay, and bad person. Now sorry, I really have to go." She was definetly the most positive person I've ever met. "Okay. No worries. Bye. Hey, what's your name?"  
"Emily. Yours?"  
"Jet."  
"Nice. Well, bye, Jet."  
"Bye, Emily."  
She waved and left. What a stunning woman. No... Sydney was still better than that. I leaned on the wall and sighed. Jill called me. "Hi, Jailbait."  
"You ever plan on getting back home? How about that math test? Some of us are trying to sleep here!" she exclaimed. "Sorry, I'm going!"  
"Not so happy about using spirit now, are you?"  
"You have no idea why I did that, huh? His bones were crushed to pieces! You guys would only fight about what to do and we wouldn't get him to hospital in time! And anyway there's nothing the doctors could do, Moroi or human! He'd probably never walk again! I tried to help him! And I also did it for you! You'd get another guardian at least untill you'd go back to the Court and I know you care about him and you wouldn't want that! If you can't appretiatte that at least consider I did so he wouldn't lose his career while protecting you!" I yelled. She didn't say a thing. She also didn't cancel the call. I got a horrible feeling she was crying. I was such a dirtbag! That bridge didn't sound so bad now. "No... Adrian, I'm sorry! I had no idea! I thought... This is all my fault. You... I'm so sorry," she weeped. "Jailbait, calm down. I'm sorry, this was spirit. I didn't mean to tell you and I didn't think about that because I knew it'd upset you. And I didn't mean to tell you like that. I'm so sorry. It wasn't your fault at all."  
"Yes, it was! Oh, Adrian, I..."  
"How could it be your fault? He was only doing his job."  
"I know. You're right. Sorry I yelled at you," she sniffed. "I'm sorry. You sure you'll be fine?"  
"Yeah. Bye."  
"Bye." I sighed as she cancelled. What did I do? I never meant to say it like that. To hurt her. To make her feel guilty. I never meant to do stuff. I never meant to get drunk, or to give up on something, or to start smoking again, or to yell at Rose, or to be rude to Dimitri, or to get my mom to jail, or to ruin Jill's life. I never meant to be a jerk. And yet, I was.  
It was tourturing to be back in my apartment, no matter how much I loved it. Spirit was still bringing me down. I had a quick shower and went straight to bed.  
I always had trouble falling asleep. I couldn't turn my mind off, even though I tried my whole life not to use it. It wasn't very safe. But the moment I went to bed I started to think about Rose and Jill and my parents and my aunt and in times like this it was even worse because of spirit... And when I finally fell asleep, I had nightmares. Actually it was more reliving every 'great' thing I've ever been trough, like stuff my dad and all the smart, smart relatives told me (how I'm a lazy stupid helpless loser and things like that), how my mom was taken away, the bloody pictures of my dead aunt, Jill in the attack and, of course, lots and lots of Rose. I guess my concince wasn't clear enough for me to sleep calmly.  
But Lee's death didn' join the nightmares. Actually since that night all my dreams were about Sydney. And not in a bad way. It was just like it was with Rose in the begininng. I dreamed about her voice and her smile and those times we touched and the warm feeling. It was weird I didn't figure it out before.  
However, lately my sleeping was better. I dreamed of Sydney and I found a way to fall asleep. Dream walking. That was the easiest things in the world and after I got back to reality, I was practically half asleep. Every night I entered my mom's dream. But she refused to talk to me. Today I got a small idea. I closed my eyes and focused. I decided to recall a house we once lived in. I think I was... Six? It was a very weak memory, but I had to try. I remembered the huge property and the gorgeous garden and the cosy, warm feeling the inside always gave me. Those sunny colors and stuff. My mom appeared in fron of me. She looked skinnier and paler every day. But her face was still beautiful, her hair was still platinum blonde and her eyes were still identical to mine. She didn't talk to me, she left as far as she could, but I saw the tears in her eyes. Probably because of all the memories the house brought. "Mom, please, talk to me! I said I was sorry a hundred times and you know I meant it! If you really did what you did because you love me so much, then you know how I felt! You know I love Rose. Please. I can't even properly apologize for what you're going trough because of me if you don't let me. At least tell me ow you're doing. I could ask Lissa to get you out if you want me to. Just say something." Yes, I was as desperat as I sounded. My mom looked at me. "It's not your fault and it never was. I just can't talk to you like this. I'm not worth wasting your time. I'm a sinner and I embarrased the whole family."  
"Because you love me? Please, did dad tell you that? I live how I live my whole life and we didn't lose any reputation. I'm pretty sure one thing you did can't change anything. And you know I don't think like that! If dad's embarrased, that doesn't mean you can't talk to me! I..."  
"Shh, Adrian, calm down. Just... Please, go. Don't try anymore. I'll be fine. We'll talk when my punishment is over." I shook my head trying to show how wrong I think this is and left the dreams. Fortunately Sydney came next. I could finally relax and lose myself in joy.  
As I expected, the beautiful face I saw every time I closed my eyes greeted me the moment I fell asleep. Sydney...  
I don't know when I went to bed or fell asleep, but sleeping didn't seem to take long. Harsh knocking on the door woke me up after what seemed like only a few minutes. I didn't bother dressing up (I slept in boxers since I was in Palm Springs... hot here) because I assumed I'd get ridd of whoever was crazy enough to wake me up this soon in a few minutes.  
So I was quite suprised when Sonya, Dimitri and Eddie were at my door, looking as awake and ready to work as always. "Umm... What is this? An ambush?" I asked. "No, the research. Remember? About why the Strigoi..." Sonya started to explain, but I didn't exactly want to hear it all again. "That's today? I know what's it about, but today?"  
"Yeah. I thought that was clear." Sonya lookd a bit annoyed. "I guess it wasn't. Okay, come in, make yourself at home, I'll be right back."  
I turned to bathroom and quickly got dressed. I even hurried up with my hair. That doesn't happen that often. I was also forced to think again. If this was gonna happen today and every day... That also meant major spirit effects. I needed something else to focuse on. What?  
I got out of the bathroom and hitted Dimitr's empty look. Rose had the same one. I knew what the distraction was gonna be. No matter what, I couldn't see them like that. I was gonna get my ex - girlfriend I who terribly broke my heart back together with the love of her life.

**So, yes, I love Eddie. Writing the fight between Adrian and Jill broke my heart (I hope you can't see that in my writing) and this whole chapter really brought me down. I already feel so sorry for Adrian because of everything and I don't know why I keep breaking his heart… I also promised more Romitri, but it didn't happen. Yet. This conclusion is promising more soon. I really don't know if Daniella was okay or how I am with making up random characters like Emily, so please, review and tell me. As always, the next chapter is coming in up to a week.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back… Again. ;) I'm sorry it took a while. This chapter is more of a waiting one with somethig a bit bigger in the end. I hope you'll like it. If you do (or if you don't), please, let me know and reviw! Thanks for the follows! As always, I don't own anything, Richelle Mead does. I forgot to mention this few times, there are major spoilers ahead. Oh, sign the new Frostbite petition! This movie needs to see the light! Anyway, please, read and review!**

None of us exactly felt like working. Okay, maybe Dimitri did, but we didn't care. This was way more fun than I imagined, even though we didn't do what we were suppose to. So practically just like high school. After a while Sonya made an end to it and we got to work. She was somehow in charge with this or something.  
So we sat at the table. We started with simple stuff like compultion. Dimitri and Sonya became so serious. They looked like, I don't know, some secret agents who have the faith of the world on their shoulders. Agent Scarlet. Because of her hair. And Agent Boring Borscht. I felt sorry of him, heartbroken by Rose (it was both sided, but who cares), but... So was I. I think. I guess. Yeah, I was. And yet, I didn't just sit there.  
It still took a while to get us working. Sonxa compelled Dimitri in a second. I looked into Eddie's eyes and told him to make him do push ups or whatever (it was the best thing we came up with), but when I looked into his eyes and said "Get on the floor and gimme a 20," we couldn't help it but burst out laughing. Eddie was much more fun when not keeping an eye on everyone close Jill and keeping another eye on her watching her like a goddess. Maybe she was a bit like a goddess. Like those times she didn't yell at me for everything I did lately.  
Sonya snorted when she saw us laughing. "Guys, please. We need to get at least something done. Should we switch partners?"  
"Okay, okay, we'll calm down now." We were still laughing a bit, but we got serious. So we find out compultion works on ex - Strigoi and Dhampirs completely the same. And like with anyone else their auras got gold patches after spirit being used one them. But that was nothing. I remembered how Jill's aura shined as if she was a spirit user herself after I brought her back.  
Work somehow started to happen. We didn't find out anything new and my mind soon flew away. I wonered what Sydney was doing. She didn't come up with Eddie because there was a problem with Angeline not wanting to wear her school uniform. Something about it being to tight and boring and too ho in this weather for a human to wear. At least that's what Edde told me. The Alchemists were too strict with Sydney. It wasn't fair to her. She didn't deserve it. She was too beautiful and smart and nice and funny and incredible in every single way.  
Then I remembered poor Jill's math test. It had to be about now. I better focused my mind somewhere else before she'd get all dreamy too and get a bad grade because of me. That's why I had my plan. Well, it wasn't a plan yet. Nore of an idea. But since I never made plans, I was on a good way there. What would it take? Getting Dimitri alone to tell him the truth? Probably. I had no idea how to do that, but I was sure something was gonna turn up.  
Sonya shot me with a suspicious look. She knew I was up to something. It was probably in my aura. I just smiled and chased the thoughts away.  
When the work was over for the day, Sonya and Dimitri took me and Eddie with them to Clarence's for feeding. Eddie didn't need it, of course (he actually got horrified at the word feeding every time and I don't know why), but he came by so that he could go back to Amberwood with Jill, Sydney and Angeline. Syndey bought pizza on the way, as always. Angeline seemed impressed by that tradition.  
The moment we got inside Jill dragged me on the side. "Just a friendly reminder: don't play matchmaker. I once tried... They both ended up hating me." I laughed. "How could anyone hate you Jailbait? And besides, I'm not playing matchmaker. I'm playing get - your - ex - girlfriend - back - together - with - the - love - of - her - life - because - you - have - nothing - better - to - do maker. And I don't really care if they hate me. I just need something to do."  
"Do you realise you're onna get your heart broken all over again seeing them get back together? Are you trying to win her back like this?"  
"What? Win her back? Even I'm not that crazy. Rose is a lost subject. And I don't know about my heart. I'm starting to not care. The universe doesn't want my hear to be okay. I don't think I'm ready to love Sydney, but according to my heart I am. I'm an emotional wreck right now, Jailbait, and you know it." She hugged me. Sometimes I didn't even realise I needed a hug. Thank goodness for Jill.  
After the feeding was done, I noticed Sydney almost fell asleep on the couch. She looked adorable. I touched her shoulders and she jumped up in a second and yawned. "Hey, Sage, are you okay?" She nodded confused. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Thanks."  
"Umm... You sure? You don't look okay." She sighed. "Yes, I'm sure. I'm fine."  
"You do realise I can see auras? And that I can see your face? And that there's an empty cup of coffee in your hand, and yet you fell asleep on the couch? So... You going on with the faking?"  
"Okay, I'm just tired, you know. I've been up moving Angeline in and then writing a report about the Strigoi attack yesterday until 4 am and slept for about an hour when my history teacher called in desperat need of coffee. Then the school uniform scene started and then classes and now I have a meeting with Stanton and then homework... I hope I'll ever get to sleep again. I also think I have a cold and my sleeping's been terrible since Lee's death." Funny. I slept better than ever since then. "That sounds bad. You should cancel the meeting and go to sleep."  
"I can't just cancel it!" Sometimes I got the feeling every word that came from my mouth horrified her. "Why not? They're like every month since Keith's gone. Just tell this Stanton person I made a shit and you have to save me." See? She had that expresion again. "But if she ever finds out I lied... No, that wouldn't work. She'll come to check on Jill or something and find me asleep in my bed." She was capable of that? "Then come to my apartment. Sage, do you have super powers? Or is it just all the coffee you drink? Because anyone else I know would already fall off that couch deeply asleep. Come on, you have to take care of your own health. They can't expect you to be robots! Seriously, if you don't come to sleep to my apartment, I'll carry you there, with these hands that don't do manual labor." I don't know why would I get this upset, but I meant it. "Imagine I said yes. What am I suppose to tell her? What could you do that would keep me away for the whole afternoon?"  
"I don't know, heal someone in public? Read their minds? Get drunk and stuck somewhere? Turn Strigoi? You want me to go on?" She sighed. "I'm gonna say you healed someone. I want to argue about this more, but I really don't feel like it. Thanks."  
Everyone heard the deal. Sonya agreed to take the others back to Amberwood and Sydney and I went back in her car. Even half asleep she wouldn't let me drive and I was a bit afraid for our lifes. She called Stanton the moment we arrived and then rolled on the couch. "Sage, you can't sleep on the couch. I tried. It's not a good feeling when you wake up. Go to bed."  
"Um... okay. Please, wake me up at 6 pm." I nodded and she left to my bedroom. I hoped it was going to get that unique scent of her I loved so much. But that wasn't the reason I told her to go there. I actually slept on the couch. And I also saw a small black object on it. I had to check out what it was. Later. Right now I had to figure out how to get Dimitri to come over alone. And how not to freak out about the fact that Sydney was in my bedroom. She was already asleep. I could see her aura trough the wall. That amazing bright yellow with splashes of a special shade of purple was still there. But the colors were less intense, they were light, gentle and warm. That always meant the person was asleep.  
I stepped out to the balcony, one of the things I loved about this apartment, and just took a look at the city. It was amazing. The sun made it seem empty and sleepy, but there was so much life no one else could see. Auras were everywhere. I could see them from so far I doubt anyone could imagine it. It was like a rainow all over the world. I could see how people I didn't even know felt. Sometimes I saw people I knew, sometimes I saw gold spirit ones (I knew the one I saw today was Sonya), sometimes I saw an aura fade away. I knew what that meant. But it was still one of my favorite things to do when I had nowhere to put myself. And it didn't have effects unless I'd do it for hours. I was usually out there for only a few minutes, maybe half an hour.  
When I got back inside, I set to the store for cigarettes. I wasn't out of it, I just liked having enough. And when I came back (still no ideas about Dimitri), I decided to check the misterious black object. It was more of a box. A small velvet box. I got an idea of what could it be, but I still opened the box. I was right. It was Dimitri's ring for Rose. I felt my heart crushing to pieces. I knew it'd hurt. It would hurt if I left it alone. But the ring made it feel like it was happening all over again. I still didn't want to believe it. But...  
In that moment Sydney walked in. "Adrian? Are you okay? What is this?" I turned back to her. "It's Dimitri's ring for Rose. She said no. It was complicated. Why aren't you asleep?"  
"Why did she say no? Why do you know about it? I can't sleep anymore. I'm gonna tell Stanton it all worked out."  
"Sage, go back to sleep. Dimitri's probably comming over. But you should really go back to sleep. I mess up profesionally. You can't save it in half an hour. And she's probaly still arund. You'd still have to have the meeting." And her eyes were still half closed. She nodded and went back to my bedroom. She was already half asleep and almost crashed the door. It made me smile. But the smile faded when I looked back to the ring. It was made for Rose. It had a pale pink diamond that looked super expensive and a silver ring part with graved - in little roses. Roses for Rose. It was perfect for her.  
I had to call Dimitri. I thought about how to get him over all day, but now I didn't feel like facing him. I don't even know why the ring broke me down so bad. I had to face him. And I couldn't keep the ring. So I called Dimitri and he promised to come. I told him he forgot something, but not what. So he was kind of shocked when he saw the ring in my hands. "Oh... That's... I'm sorry," he blurted. "No problem. I knew before. She told me."  
"Why? Sorry, that's not what I meant, but..." I shook my head. "I get it. I also know everything else." Dimitri took a few steps back. I've never seen him so confused. Was he afraid? Of me? Nooo... Or was he? "Relax, I'm not gonna kill you or anything. I'm not capable of something like that. Mentaly or phisically." He breathed out, as if he was relieved. This was the weirdest conversation ever. "But the ring isn't the only reason you called me, right? I have a feeling you want to talk about something else."  
"Yeah, you're right. I just wanted to tell you I know how you feel. But you shouldn't feel that way. I talked to Rose. I've never seen her so miserable. She feels just like you do."  
"Then why did she say no? If she want to be with me, then why won't she marry me? Is it that she only finds this temperary? I want to spend my life with her!" So do I, Belikov. So do I. But I couldn't say that. "You two are so funny, making up silly thoughts about why the other doesn't to be with you... Don't you trust eachother? No, don't listen to me, I trusted her and look where it brought me. However, she thinks you only proposed to get ridd of her because you knew she'd say no. Or that she messed up her life forever. You really think you're gonna stay broken up? You should really give her a chance to explain why she said no."  
"You tell me then."  
"Because she's too young. And becase things might get better with Dhampir weddings in the future and it's better to do something normal then than to make a scene now. And because she's too busy with Lissa. And because she wans to spend the rest of her life with you, so what would change of you get married now or in ten years? You'll end up living in a fairytale with a few butts to kick." Dimitri had the expersion that seemed so familiar. It said 'What in the whole wide world have I done?'. "So... She wants me?" I nodded. "Just as much as you want her. Now go and live happily ever after."  
"I'm sorry for all of this. Thank you. You'll still have to see a lot of me though. I can't just go there... She's gonna have to wait for a while."  
"Yeah, yeah, work comes first or whatever, I know. Oh, and no problem." I really had nothing to complain about. He had bigger problems. Or at least he thought so. The moment he left I called Rose. "Little Dhampir? Get on the first flight. I fixed everything. Belikov is all set to get back together." The other side was silent for a while. "But I can't just..."  
"Oh, come on! You had two months or so to go kill him and now you can't fly to Palm Springs for a few days to get back together while being on a break?" I seemed to shock Rose (and myself) more and more often. "Adrian, thank you so much for all of this, but... Why are you doing this? It can't make you feel any better."  
"You have a point. I guess I don't have anything better to do." She sighed. "Okay, you know I wanna come! I'll be there tommorrow." Okay, at least Rose wasn't all that everyone -else focused as Dimitri.  
In that moment Sydney walked in again. I shook my head. "Sage, your incapability to sleep shocks me." She gave me an innocent look that honestly shocked me. I've never seen er do something like that. "What? I slept for about two hours. If you lived like I do you'd get used to it. So, what did you find out?" I didn't know what she was talking about immediately, but then I realised. "Rose's comming tommorrow." Sydney looked at me with that look that made me heel like she can see trough warm feelimg became burning hot ages ago. In that moment I wondered how could I ever think about Rose when Sydney was so... "And are you okay with that?" she asked.  
I snorted. "Sage, please." I was really gonna shut up, but she trusted me before and I really... "Of course I'm not okay with that! She destroyed my heart and now I'm gonna see her make up with the love of her life! I know it's all my fault, but I love her and she keeps breaking me..." Something about Sydney made me go on and on and on about my feelings. I trusted her and I've never felt like I can tell someone everything. "I thought you said it wasn't her fault." Sydney seemed confused. "Its not her fault. But it is. I don't know. Its weird, very weird. Just... Things like that shouldn't happen! I get it so well, but I just don't want to! She was everything to me! But she never felt the same! It was always him! She forgot about me in a moment. I don't want to believe I was always just deluding myself. I don't want to believe it was just a lie! But it was! I don't have a choice! I can't just live in some imaginary world, I have to face it! It hurts. But its not like I have a choice." Shut the fuck up! One more word and I'd tell her how my heart beats every time I'm around her.  
Sydney left after a while and now that my distraction was gone, I couldn't think about anything else than how she felt next to me only a few minutes ago and why, why, why couldn't I stop myself from talking. I heard some people totally freezed next to their crushes or however to call that. I wish. But it wasn't like that with Rose. So why did I tell Sydney so much?  
I got a phone call from Jill. "Because you trust her." That was one of the weirdest greets I've ever recieved in my life. "Excuse me?"  
"You tell her so much because you trust her."  
"No, that can't be right. I trust you too and I don't have those long emotional speaches next to you." She laughed. "That's probably because you're forced to trust me. I know things about you you don't even want to know yourself. And because she asks. I don't. Because I know already. She asks because she cares." I snorted. "She probably thinks I'm a pathetic loser."  
"Why would she think you're a pathetic loser?"  
"Because I am a pathetic loser."  
A long debate about wich one of us is a pathetic loser followed. We've come to a conclusion none of us is and that pathetic losers are the people that killed her. We also agreed Lee was a psycho. I have no idea how we got there.  
The next day we had the research stuff in the afternoon, because we had other things to do. I had classes, Eddie had school, Sonya had a tour of Palm Springs and Dimitri had feeling sorry for himself. Fascinating. That used to be my thing.  
Classes went by in second. So after that I wanted to head home, but Rowena Clark stoped me. "Hey, a few of us are going to a nearby bar tonight. Wanna come?" she asked. Huh. Rowena was one of the rare people who completely understood my attitude to girls. She was also one of the rare girls who didn't fall for that (even Jill sed to be there... or so I have been told) and kept letting me know that since the first day I've known her. She had a pretty good excuse. She liked girls.  
I had no idea what to tell her. There'd be drinking and Jill... What the heck! I could hold myself enough not to get drunk. "Sure, I'll be there." Then I remembered the research. No, it'd probably be over by then. But still. "Well, probably. I might have something else to do." She swung her lavendel hair back and raised an eyebrow. "Come on, boring! What could be more important than having fun?" I smirked. "It's family bussiness. And I said probably. I'm pretty sure I'll be there." Rowena smiled. "That's the spirit!" Spirit. I was probably about to need some cheering up.  
Later the research was alreay on. I was just focusing on Eddie to use spirit when a roaring engine distracted me. "What is this? Does somebody in your building own a motorcycle?" Sonya asked me. I shook my head and looked trough the window. The rider got of the bike and took of his helmet. Her helmet. I this was a movie, cool rock music would be playing and the video would slow down. Long dark hair floated from the helmet. Oh, yeah. It was Rose. And my heart broke over how much Rose Hathaway style this was.

**Was it? Was Rowena okay? Please, tell me! Again, I'll update in up to a week. Oh, and, there wasn't Romitri again, but I promise there will be in the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry it took me so long! The thing is I finally got Silver Shadows and was all over the book and then I got a horrible allergy and I'm writing this from the hospital. So, poor me, haha. Well, the next chapter is probably comming sooner because it's already half written since I didn't have wifi and I had nothing to do. Okay, please, read and rewiev! Oh, Richelle Mead owns everything and there are major spoilers ahead.**

Dimitri soon realised who it was too. "But that's... Rose. Rose!" With that shout he ran trough the door just in time to let Rose in a biker jacked in. "So... I guess you didn't get a plane," I said. "No. All seats taken. I'd have to wait for three days so I just borrowed a motorcycle." I snorted. No doubt she didn't know how to ride it before she travelled half of the country.

Rose and Dimitri just stared at eachother's eyes for a while. Sonya and Eddie placed themselves on the couch. I hesitately joined them after a few seconds.

"Is it true that... You didn't want to break up?" Dimitri finally asked. Rose nodded. "I just think I'm not ready to get married yet. You know I'm only 18. And I have so much to do right now and it's still a tabboo... But you know I love you and I always will." I closed my eyes breathing deeply. "I love you too, Roza. I just thought you'd say yes if I asked... And that no is no forever." She smiled. "How could it be no forever? Comrade, I thought it was clear we can't live without eachother." Really? Cute nicknames? He grinned. "Then we feel the same way." Please, like we didn't know that already. She pulled him closer and they kissed. That was it. I couldn't take my own doing anymore. I just didn't want to watch them. I quietly left to the balcony. "I loved the ring, by the way," I briefly heard behind me a moment before I closed the door.

After a while Rose came behind me. "Hey. Sorry about that." I turned around and gave her a careless smile. "No, I'm sorry I left. I just didn't... Feel the need to stay. So you guys worked it out?" She nodded. "Thanks to you. Really, why did you do that if it only hurted you? The truth this time." I rolled my eyes. The truth was never one of my goals. "Because I didn't feel like being stuck with such a depressing aura for two months or so. Spirit brings me down enough." Okay, that wasn't the whole truth. But it also wasn't a lie. Rose knew that. She tried to raise an eyebrow, I knew she saw Dimitri do it, and failed miserably. I laughed. She elbowed me, but couldn't hide a small smile. She looked amazing in that light and I could smell her from where I was standing. It was agonizing, even though I missed her close. She thought everything was at least partly back to normal between us. The truth? Nothing about our friendship was ever normal. At least from my side. I loved her since the beginning. Well, fell for her.

"So, how long are you staying here?" I asked. I was probably gonna mostly avoid her because of the feelings she still caused me. "Three days. Including today. I'm staying with Dimitri." I nodded. Short time, but it wasn't gonna be easy.

They all left before the night fell (of course the research didn't happen) and I remembered Rowena invited me to come to the bar. I needed some fun even more than before, so I decided to go. I met the group in front of the bar. Rowena waved for me to come closer. I smiled. "So, here I am." She nodded. "So I can see. What's wrong?"

"Huh?" She laughed. "What's wrong with you? You look upset or something. More than this morning." Wow, was it that obvious? "I'm not. I'm fine." I hoped I was convincing, I usually was, but Rowena was good. "Please, don't try to fool me. Is the girl here?" As I said, she was good. Since the first day I was here, she knew stuff about me. She knew there was a girl who broke my heart. What she didn't know is that there were two of them. "Is it that obvious?" I grinned. "Oh, oh, let me guess. She's here with the guy." I nodded. She tapped my shoulder. "Thank goodness I thought of bringing you here."

There were lots of girls around me and I knew I could make any of them mine with only a few words. But I just couldn't make myself to get close to any of them. I didn't have trust issues because of Rose, that seemed quite impossible for me, but I didn't want anyone else than Sydney. Confusing. I wouldn't be with Rose anymore. In theory. But... Well, maybe my life was shit, but when she entered the bar with Dimitri, I wasn't so sure anymore. And I also wasn't sure if someone isn't jus making fun of me.

"Hey, what are you looking at? Did you see a ghost?" Rowena yelled barely louder than the pounding techno muscis comming from the stereo. "That's her!" Rowena looked towards the entrance. "Oh, dear. Why do you even have to deal with them?" I shrugged. "I left her in the thought I'm over it and that we're friends." Rowena snorted amused. "Why would you do that?" Good question, now that I thought about it. It seemed my reationship with Rose was always going to be complicated. "Because we were friends before and I figured I'd miss that." Rowena's (barely in this light) blue eyes met mine, suddenly instead of amusement full of compassion. "She got you friend-zoned too? Dammit, she got you well."

The next thing I realised were Rose and Dimitri next to us. Anxiety was choking me down. Before I could stop myself, I was talking without thinking again. "Hey, Rose, you still trust my taste? You liked the parties I took you to?" Her lips formed a big smile and I almost smacked my own head into something. Why, why would I keep doing that? "I wasn't really following you, but now that you mention it, I had a blast at most," she said. Dimitri's arm was around her shoulder as he spoke: "We figured since we're here, together, free, we might as well have some fun. Don't know when we'll have the next chance." Rose smiled at that and I was pretty sure whose idea this was. Dimitri was never a partying type. Well, I didn't know him that well, but the alone fact that I didn't know him that well said he wasn't the partying type. Rose, on the other hand... On duty? Never. At least not now. But off duty, I was pretty sure she hasn't changed that much. Unfortunately for me. But I didn't want to be as selfish as usual. It was bad enough Jill had to feel the most of it, so I decided to just back up a bit and give them a chance to have some fun. Maybe I'd be able to see them as the cute couple everyone else did. I most definetly hoped so.

By the time I figured all of that out, Rose seemed to bond with Rowena. See, if I haven't been so focused on my self, I might even saw that one comming. They had the same perspective of life, same soul and the same badass attitude to the world. Dimitri looked a little lost, like he'd never been in a building like this. He probably hadn't. At least not alone. So, since I was feeling so generous lately, I even managed to talk to him. I was suprisingly happy to see both his and Rose's aura were back to normal again.

It was weird. Once in between I met Rose's eyes. Usually they made me see the stars or at least looked like stars. But this time I realised Sydney's eyes were a lot prettier. TE thought of her swept me into the dream world Rose's eyes usually did. So I guess there was no big difference. Exept in the person I was thinking of when I lost my sanity whatever.

They left after a while. Even after all the so called 'progress' I made in that way, I couldn't stop a sigh of relief as they dissappeared out of my sight. Rowena was next to me again. "She's awesome. I see how she swept you off your feet." I shook my head. "That's not what happened, I was actually very cool around her the whole time," I said with a desperat need to defend my honor. An interesting thing to do for an emotionaly unstable or rather crazy moroi guy with worse mood swings and less self controll than a teenage girl (I had the right to say that since I was bound to one. I couldn't enter Jill's mind, but I saw auras, wasn't blind and knew her well enough). But, with the self controll thing, I was slightly proud of myself for not getting drunk that night. Or any night since Dimitri arrived.

I got home a lot past midnight. I showered and went directly to bed. Tonight I decided not to reach out for my mom. I had just a little of trouble falling asleep, but that made my dreams of Sydney that much sweeter. They also went a bit further than the nights before. I dreamed about her hand in mine, her arms around me, her lips saying cute little things I didn't even dare to think about awake, her lips on my lips... She got me bad.

The next day there were no classes since it was weekend. The research was also off the table as long as Rose was here. But the crew from Amberwood still showed up at my door in order to get me to feeding again. Well, only Jill was literally at my door. "I'm here to give you a hug!" she said with a smile and wrapped her arms around me. How did I deserve that, I thought. Of course she heard my thoughts, but in trying to keep my secrets or something, she answered almost whispering. "Thank you for not getting drunk yesterday. I know it was hard for you." I have her a fake frown. "Not any harder than it usually is," I smiled. "Of course not. I just sometimes feel the need to thank you." Her eyes said 'You don't need to pretend around me, you know I'll never buy it'. And her eyes were right. I better saved my energy.

When we got to Clarence's, we saw Rose and Dimitri practising some fighting skills in the backyard. Dimitri knocked her down and restrained her on the ground with his arms. They started to kiss or make out or whatever right there, on the floor. I wanted to look away, but my mouth knew better obviously. "If you do that in a real fight, it won't end well or you. Just saying." Rose laughed and dodged out of Dimitri's reach. He blushed a bit. Of course he did. He was used to being perfect, not showing his feelings. He found it humiliating. Maybe a sign of weakness. He didn't make an idiot out of himself every minute of the day. He wasn't an idiot. Unlike me.

Jill sent me a text. That was so sweet f her. She didn't want to make a fool out of me in front of everyone. Again. The text said I'm getting the feeling you feel worse around him than you do around her. Maybe she was even right. That meant Rose leaving wasn't going to make my life as much easier as I thought. But when she left the next day (with a plane this time), I still had some hope things were going to calm down.

**So, this is it, I'll come back soon and show you if things are going to calm down, and you also come back, read and rewiev and wish me good luck getting from the hospital.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! I'm here and I'm back home. I hope it wasn't too long, I intended to update sooner, but... Jpitt, thank you for your review and the nice wishes! And thanks to everyone who followed and reviewed before, please, keep doing it! ;) I think this chapter is a bit more 'up', at least for Adrian. Of course, Richelle Mead owns everything and I'm sorry for mistakes. Major spoilers! I forgot about all of this the last time and I was a bit upside down, you know how it is. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter and to let me know about it. Read and review, everyone!**

Things did calm down. My life became a pretty awesome mix of the research, college, pure spirit effects and... Sydney. She spent quite a lot of time with us while waiting to drive Eddie back home. When she wasn't around and I wasn't totally caught up in daydreaming, I had doubts about my never-to-be-heard love I couldn't stop from being in my heart. Sometimes I thought what would happen if she knew. She'd probably freak out. There'd be nothing between us even if I wasn't a vampire. No matter what some (most) of the girls thought of me, she'd never warm up for someone like me. And well, it would be worse for her, but this was also against everything I knew. Vampires and humans, no matter what I wanted, couldn't be together. I never gave a fuck what the world thinks of me, but I guess there was a line even for me. It also kind of freaked me out, loving a human. But whenever she was around, I forgot about possible and impossible, all I could think about was her so close to me. I burned at her touches and since I first noticed them, I was obsessed with her amazing eyes. At least she got me not thinking of Rose. Actually, I knew I'll never be perfectly okay with it, but I was almost over it. Dimitri still bothered me sometimes, but we mostly ignored eachother or at least normally communicate when neccessary. All thanks to Sydney. But she could never know.  
Anyhow, life turned almost normal. Outside my apartment, Sonya only dealed with flowers (or inside. I almost regreted giving her a key), Eddie only had eyes for Jill, Alchemists were controlling idiots (not Sydney... I rarely considered her as an Alchemist), Lissa still hasn't managed to change the law, Dimitri was perfect, most of the problems at Amberwood were caused by obviously a quite rebellious dhampir named Angeline.  
A few days after Rose left, Sydney walked trough my door with a nasty bruise on her cheeck. I automatically jumped towards her an held her wrists worried. "Sage, what happened? Why is your face half black and blue?" I tried to look calm, but I was really boiling on the inside, ready to get ridd of anyone trying to hurt her. "Oh. That. It was no big deal. Really my own fault. I found myself at Angeline's fight practice place. It was an accident." I realied I was still holding her. I took a stepp back, still feeling her touch on my skin, just like every night I dreamed of her.  
I reached my hand towards her cheeck to heal the bruise, but she stopped me. "Please, don't. I'll heal myself. I have the tattoo." She was like I was before. Playing calm, but really terrified. "Okay. I get your fear. But tell me something. It's a dangerous life we - you live. So, if something bad ever happens to you, if..." My throat zipped up, words got stuck in my mouth. I could barely form such a horrible thought in my mind. But I had to know! "If they kill you... Would you ever have me leave you dead or let me bring you back with magic?" She smiled. "Why, do you plan on paying someone to kill me just to brimg me back?"  
"No, I just... Have to know. Just in case." She bit her lip. "Isn't it dangerous if you bring more people back? Like, you can get crazy?" This time, I smiled. "Sage, I'm already crazy. And besides, I'd rather lose my sanity than you." Something weird appeared in her eyes. "But if you lose your sanity... You lose yourself." I shook my head. "Sanity's overpriced. At least in my case."  
"No! And why do you even want to know?" I shrugged. "Well, it all happened so fast with Jill, you know, one moment she was fine, the next she was laying in blood dead. I never want to lose you and if there's anything I can do against it you know I will. But, I've been thinkin..." Weird thing, she interupted. "You've been thinking? How did that happen?" I laughed. My serious mood was gone.  
She had some Alchemist bussiness downtown, so she didn't stay with us that day. But while we were on a break, I realised she managed to distract me. U didn't answer, I texted her. I waited for the answer for a while.  
_Okay. I don't want you to bring me back. I'm not that afraid, but I don't want you to lose your mind because of me._  
That sealed the deal. I'd risk myself for her anytime. I didn't even know why I worried like that. It wasn't like me. I guess memories of everything I lost or almost lost this summer were still too fresh.  
In the evening, after Sonya and Dimitri left, Eddie was still stuck with me. Sydney was busy. She promised she'll be there to pick him up soon. Eddie's aura was dark and worried. I knew that before, but didn't get the chance o ask him about it. "Hey, what's wrong with you today?" I asked. He looked at me questioning if he can trust me. "I... I love Jill." I covered my eyes and focused so hard on forgetting. My face was probably weird. "What's wrong? You think she knows?" Eddie's face was terrified and it wasn't a good feeling knowing I'll freak him out even more. "She does now." He looked confused. "The bond? Remember? She hard that!" Eddie's eyes went big. Then he slapped his forehead. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit! I'm such a fucking idiot! Dammit, how could I forget?" He dug his face into his hands. I couldn't answer him because I was too focused on blocking my mind from Jill. "What now?" he asked. "I don't know. She's probably comming over to talk to you." He shook his head. "I doubt it. She doesn't feel the same way. She has a date with Micah tommorrow. She's just gonna pretend she didn't know." Oh, man, did he really buy that? I knew Jill was comming.  
So, while waiting, Eddie was walking arond in circles as anxious as I've never seen him before. And he was a guardian, for god's sake! He was there when she died! He's been trough a lot, as much as I knew, but nothing seemed to tourture him as much as this. "So... Can I get you something to drink?" I asked. He nodded wildly. "You have some water?" In about a minute, he drank more than five glasses. I didn't drink alcohol that fast even in my darkest hours. Poor Eddie.  
Sydney, as I assumed, really came with Jill. Her face was pale, almost Strigoi pale, even though she usually blushed in this kind of situations. "What's going on? I was on my way and then Jill called me to pick her up and bring her here, what the..." Yup, Sydney was very confused. I pulled her hand to dragg her out of the room, but she resisted. I shrugged. The big deal was starting anyway. Latey, my living room became a romantic drama theater.  
"Is it true? You love me?" Jill asked. Eddie bit his lip. "Yes, it's true. For a while now. If you just want to pretend this didn't happen, I... I get it. Even if you felt something for me, I'm just a guardian. And you're a princess." Jill pressed her hand on her heart. "No, the problem is that this is not the way it is at all. I... I think I like you. I didn't realise it until I found out. We could work." Eddie smiled and then frowned in a few seconds. "What's the problem then? Oh... Right. Micah." I saw Jill's eyes filling with tears. "I can't go out with him if I like you! He's a nice guy and I'd totally... But... You." Eddie pressed her on his chest and she sobbed. I saw Sydney's lip stutter.  
"I can't do that to him." Eddie took a deep breath after saying that. "I know, you'll feel guilty for the rest of your life. Just like with Mason. But I'll feel guilty if I go out with him while loving you." It was horrible to see them like that. The wheels in my head started to turn around. "Compultion," I said out loud. Jill nodded. "I guess that's the only way." I pulled her closer to me and took a deep breath. Sydney took her outside the moment I was done, so that she wouldn't remember. Eddie's head fell on the table. I only felt compasion in that moment. "You wanna forget about it too?" He raised his head. A few days ago I first saw pain in his eyes. This was the second time. "You'd do that for me?" he asked. I nodded. Then I got it over with. I didn't make him forget about his love for her, though. I had a pretty strong feeling Micah wasn't going to last.  
A few hours after they all left, I got a text from Jill. _I don't know what's with me today, but get drunk all you want. We both need it.__  
_I couldn't resist something like that, could I? No, I couldn't. The only reason to do it untill that moment was - her. And now she wanted me to drink again. It was the least I could do after ruining her life. Well, that's what I told myself not to feel guilty about drinking.  
So, in the evening I left to a small club I noticed a while ago, met some people and had fun. There were girls of course, but I still didn't want anyone else. Exept for that it was like nothing has changed since I came to Palm Springs. That was one of the last thoughts I remember from that night.  
I woke up with a pounding headache with a hand shaking my shoulder. I struggeled to open my eyes and found myself face to face with Sydney leaning over me with a half worried, half upset look on her face. I didn't know where I was or what was happening, but Sydney's eyes being the first thing I saw in the morning were, ignoring the headache, a pretty good start of the day. Her lips looked so soft and kissable in that moment and the scent of her skin was so alluring I could barely hold myself back. Even though the situation gave me the feeling we woke up in the same bed, something told me that's not what happened. "Sage?" I finally blurted. "Yes, it's me." I felt idiotic. Like I could ever forget about her. Like I wasn't wondering if I'm still dreaming when I woke up with her face above mine.  
"Adrian, you have to get up. And get some sleep. What were you thinking anyway? You should have seen Jill. I thought you stopped acting so self destructive for her sake." I sighed. "I did. But she told me to get drunk. She was holding me back and now she told me not to. I'm not strong enough to resist that!" Sydney rolled her eyes and pulled me up on my feet. I followed her to her car, a brown subaru outback she was totally in love with. I could tell since she named it Latte, her favorite thing besides the car, and I once caught her apologizing to it after a stone hit it. It was actually adorable.  
I rolled myself on the passenger seat next to her and accidentally slammed the door. "Hey, behave! The car didn't do anything." As I said, in love with the car. "Sorry," I cheerly murmured and leaned my burning head on the cold window to numb the pounding. As I watched her turn the keys and put her hands on the turning wheel as the engine quietly roared, I noticed a small smile playing on her lips. It was because of the car, but for me it was all her. That smile, the glow in her eyes, the sun illuminating in her hair... She was beautiful and I just wanted to be around her forever. This was the best hangover I've ever been trough.  
A few minutes later she got me to my apartment. I left the car with a big smile and a small regret. It seemed she still thought I was drunk. The best thing to do in that moment would probably be drinking as much water as I could, blocking mysdlf from Jill and going to sleep. But it was still only 6 am and the agonizingly beautiful picture of Sydney in the car was still fresh in my mind. I was almost as high as I usually was after using spirit. So after first impulse, I took some paint and the fist paper I saw. After like, I don't know, an hour, I was all done. Of course I didn't even get close to capturing Sydney's beauty, but it still looked quite okay. Maybe because in my version, she was in a convertible, one I knew she'd love. It suited her and I even painted her hair free, floating in the wind. Maybe it was just a bit weird the sunlight was kind of heart shaped.  
Okay, now it was time to go back to sleep. At least for Jill's sake. But, since I was painting and not wildly partying, I figured she was probably asleep again. I entered the bathroom to shower and saw my own bloodshott eyes and purple bags under them in the mirror. The green really contrsted the blood. Maybe it was bed time. Or more specifically, rolling in bed time. I couldn't sleep. Sydney has grown quite a distraction, but sometimes it just wasn't normal to think about a person so much. But there was honestly no big differece if I dreamed of her awake or asleep.  
But, before I realised it, the world has become too much and my mind floated into dreamland. A few hours lated a knock on the door woke me up. I crawled out of bed, still a bit light-headed because of the hangover and still happy since Sydney was the first thing I saw in the morning. Jill entered the moment I opened the door. "Hey, Jailbait. You here alone? Wait, why aren't you in school?" She sighed. "School was over half an hour ago. I came with a cab. I'm here for you to give me a hug!" She cheered up a little when she said the last sentance, but it was pretty obvious something was wrong. I pulled her inside and dug her into my chest. A few seconds later I was suprised to realise she was crying. Yup, something was definetly wrong. "What's the matter, Jailbait?"  
"Everything. Adrian, let's run away."  
So, sure I had some pretty... interesting... ideas in my life, but even I had to admitt this was going to be a disaster. "Jill, we can't just run away! We're here for a reason! You don't want to be on a run from a run, do you? Look, seriously, whatever's wrong, tell us, that's why we're here, right? I'm counting myself into this, anytime you need me, but if anyone gives you a hard time at school, tell Eddie, they won't live untill the morning." She shook her head desperat. "It's not one person, I'm all alone! Nobody gets it! Don't you remember how you felt at Clarence's? I'm lonely and miserable, I mean, what's the point of this? You're the only one I have here, and I have to be away from you. We're both unhappy, let's just go!" I sighed. Too bad I couldn't tell Eddie all of this, he'd do anything in his power... Maybe even though I nade her forget yesterday's events, it mentally damaged her or something like that. "Look, don't run away. I know it's hard for you. But you're here for a reason. You're in danger. Have some respect for your life, we all only want you safe. And you can come here anytime you want. This is not gonna take too long. If you're lonely at Amberwood, try talking to Angeline. I'm sure you'd get along great." Suddenly Jill's eyes shined. I wish I could actually read minds instead if seeing auras. I had a feeling I gave her a terrible idea. "And, well, I know Sydney... She can sometimes seem cold, or at least she did in the beginning, but she cares about you more than you think." So, my mind already wasn't so focused on Jill anymore. But she didn't seem to notice.  
Before she left, I had to make sure I even achieved anything with my big speach. "So, I'm guessing you came to me for this because I'm the craziest here. You do realise this is a bad idea if even I know that, right?" She nodded and hugged me for the last time. I wished I could do something to make her feel better. "Could you heal my eyes so the others won't see I cried?" she asked. I nodded and touched her face. This was so easy.  
"Please, don't tell anyone I wanted to run away," she asked before she left. I promised her I won't.  
I went out for lunch soon after and when I came back, Sonya and Dimitri were already waiting. Eddie and Sydney joined us soon. I don't know when, but this research became exactly what I was afraid of, horribly serious, forcing me to almost focus. How was I suppose to do that with Sydney so close I could almost feel her, even though she was curled up on the couch with a book, making the whole apartment filled with her scent?  
So, my tries to focus were completely over with a phone call. It was Jill who greeted me and the first thing she said kind of scared the heck out of me. "Do you have any idea how to get ridd of a dead body?" She said it so calmly, as if she dealed with such things every day, but I couldn still sense some anxiety in her voice. But I was too shocked to elaborate on that. "What? A DEAD BODY?" Sydney got up and jumped towards me. "Oh, please, don't tell me..." I held up a hand to keep her quiet and hear what Jill had to say. "I know, it shocked me too. Well, there are actually three of them, but if you know how to get ridd of one, we'll easily take care of the rest. Well, I mean, easily, it's a dead body, but you know. I really didn't think Angeline was capable of something like this and we'd be in so much trouble if anyone found out, so, please, we really need your help. You have any idea what to do?" She back to regular Jailbait, she said it all in one breath. It usually made me laugh, but this time I was still too confused. "Wait, where did the dead bodies come from? Did Angeline kill anyone? I mean, what the fuck is going on in there?" Jill laughed a bit nervously. "She didn't kill anyone, don't worry. They are... Um... Chicken dead bodies." I sighed in relief and Jill continued: "She stole them from the cafeteria so that she could have midnight snacks or something... If the school finds out, they're probably going to kick her out."  
So, I told the story (as much as I knew) to others. Sydney left to pick them - and the chickens - up and I went with her. "I don't know if I should laugh or cry," she sighed. I smiled. "My advice? Laugh. It's all gonna work out. They're just chickens. Not worth crying for. We're gonna laugh at it soon, so why not now?" She chuckled. "You see, this is what I meant when I said you say something brilliant every once in a while." I felt heat taking over my body. Her hand touched mine when she reached towards her purse and we both winced. Did she feel it too? There was something weird in her eyes, something that confirmed, even only for a second, that there was something, some chemistry between us. There was another side of her, but she kept it away from us, because she was taught that way. But we were breaking the walls slowly, seeing more of the real her every day.  
She moved her hand and gave me an apologetic smile. She was back to her cold, Alchemist self. On the outside, at least. It didn't make her any less attractive, though. Jill told me a few days ago she was suprised Sydney's name wasn't written all over my walls. I leaned back into my seat.  
The chickens were frozen and it was hard to get them out of the school unnoticed. I did one part by making us unmemorable with compultion, but in the end Jill threw something out her backpack and hidd them in there. We hurried over to the car without making any suspicions. When Angeline threw the bacpack on the back seat, the expression on Sydney's face reflected almost pain. "Wha were you thinking to... Steal chickens anyway? There's a note in the cafeteria that some food went missing! Imagine if you got caught!"  
"I get hungry at night! I also did at home and I always had the chance to eat. And besides, I don't know what's the big deal. They're just chickens!" It's hard not to laugh while listening a conversation like this. "Nobody would find them if I wouldn't ask Jill to help me find something to wear and then she searched my closet. I have a date tonight, you know," Angeline said proudly. "Um, I don't think so," Sydney said with a strict face. "You put Jill's safety and all we worked for at risk, you're not going anywhere soon." Jill grimaced. "We'll see about that," Angeline muttered. "But you weren't gonna eat them frozen, were you? How would you roast them in your room in the middle of the night?" I asked. "Oh, don't worry, I have matches." Sydney groaned and I snorted. Angeline was like a sunshine in our lifes, always cheering us up with comments like this.  
"So, what do we do with the chickens? I could use some dinner," Sonya said when we came back. We ended up having a chicken picnic at Clarence's. Angeline got her chickens, even though she missed her date.  
Jill didn't cancel my allowance to drink, but I decided one night was enough for now. It was almost sad that the decision made me proud of myself. As so many times before, the next morning my phone woke me up. It was Sydney. And well, weird greets seemed to become tradition. "Jill's gone." I gasped. "What? She's gone? How can she be gone? I talked to her yesterday! Angeline was in her room! You think they kiddnapped her? Or killed her?" My feet suddenly got weak. "I don't know! I came to their room today and she was gone! And so was Angeline!" I dug my face into my hands. She couldn't be gone. Not only it meant Lissa couldn't be queen anymore, she was Jill, an innocent in this. And my best friend. I needed her. This was exactly what I was trying to protect her from when I told her not to... "Oh, crap! They ran away! That's why her face lightened up when I mentioned Angeline and that's why she had something in her backpack! I should have known! Dammit! This is all my fault! Shit! I should have known she wasn't giving up so fast!"  
"Adrian, I have no idea what you're talking about," Syndey said, her voice shaking. "I need you to come over here." She didn't ask any questions (she was probably used to weird situations like this) and I told her the whole story when she came. "Why didn't you tell me? Didn't you see she wasn't giving up? Come on, it was her safety, the main reason we're both here!" In that moment I actually got kind of mad at Sydney. It was like in the beginning, when we fought constantly. "Don't you think I feel horrible? I promised her! And I was having a hangover, not that I expect you to know how it feels! Before you start how it was my own fault, I already know that! She told me to! I'm not you! I'm not strong enough to resist something like that!" I didn't care that she was angry, she was the Sydney I wanted to know again. "Yes, you are! You're just convinced you're not and you don't try enough!" Her eyes were big and bright and her words really got to me. Was she right? Did I even have the guts to face it. If I did, this wasn't the time. "You know what, this isn't the about me. Let's not fight, we have to save Jill." She nodded. "You're right. So, you're 100% sure she ran away?"  
"Yup. I think we should call Eddie for help. And let the others at Court know. We can't risk." She shook her head. "No! Nobody can find out I messed up again! And Eddie's gonna freak out!"  
"Sydney, this is about her safety! You can't yell at me for cting wrong and then not be ready to do everything in your power! And how on Earth are we going to find her alone?" And then I noticed her eyes were red. And that they were filling with tears again. "If we didn't do that with Keith, I'd be in reeducation now. I was on thin ice. I can't afford that again, Adrian! They're going to take me away. You know I'll do anything for Jill. Don't tell anyone I said that because I wasn't suppose to think so, but she's really kind of like a sister to me. I have a car and you can find an aura in a croud. And we really can't tell Eddie. He might get a heart attack. And Jill's safe with Angeline. I'm going anyway. Are you with me?" I didn't have a choice. Sydney was asking me something, it had to do with Jill's life and she just opened herself to me. Also, it included a probably quite long car ride with her. "Let's go."

**This is the longest chapter untill now, isn't it? That's probably the reason it took me so long. And the Jeddie (I really wanted them to end up together, but it has to end with the begginning of The Golden Lily!) and chicken drama. Oh, and I like to end chapters the way that, I hope, makes you want more ;) Don't forget to tell me what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm back with a new chapter and I know, it took me a while again, but I'm getting more and more busy with school… One week's not that much, is it? However, now it's here, and there's even an action scene in it. Probably not exactly perfect cause it's the first one I've ever written, but please, let me know what you think about it. As usual, I don't own anything, Richelle Mead does, I'm sorry for mistakes and… Read and review! Enjoy!**

We were almost in the car already when Sydney thought of something. "What are we going to tell Eddie?" she asked. I shrugged, but that obviously wasn't a problem. The question seemed to be only retorical, because she already had a plan in her head. Hot. "What if we say I had to take Angeline to sign her into an Alchemist office as a part of this assigment and Jill's staying with you for the day? And you two left somewhere outside the city? No, just around Palm Springs. He'd never let her leave the city alone." I nodded. "It sounds like a good exuse to me. If he asks."  
"Okay, good, we have that covered. Where to look for them?" I smiled. "Hm, where in California should we look for two teenage girls with ride limited to bus, one night of time to get away, a royal credit card and big dreams?" Sydney laughed. "L. A.?"  
"L. A." She sighed. "Although that doesn't tell us much more about their location. Los Angeles is a big city. How on Earth are we going to find them?" I gave her a sly smile. "Well, I happened to know Jill always wanted to go to Walk of Fame. And take a picture of all the 300 and something stars. So I guess they'd be stuck there for a while." I wasn't so useless now. Okay, what was my problem about that? Was I just trying to impress her or something?  
"Great. Ready to go?" she asked. I nodded. She turned the car keys and pressed the gas. She didn't have that happy expression she had two days ago, but I knew it would be a pleasure to watch her while the two hour ride. I opened the window and soaked the beams of early sun in the sky. Sometimes I wished I couldn stand it longer. Sunshine's the best and Sydney in its light was fascinating.  
"Would it hurt your pride if you asked?" she said. It took me a while to realise she was talking about the window. "Would you let me?" She snorted. "Yeah, duh!" Well that was something I'd never heard her say. "You know, you should really get a convertible," I noted. No roof would be a great thing right now, even though I enjoyed the wind blowing even in the small amount comming trough the window. "I'd love that. Like a mustang. Maybe a yellow one. The classic ones were gorgeous." Noted. Her eyes got all dreamy, the way Eddie's eyes got while looking at Jill. Probably the way mine got while looking at her. "Hey, you don't think I'm that stuck up and weird? That I wouldn't let you open a window?" I laughed. "Sage, the last thing I'd think about you is stuck up and weird. And besides, I mostly didn't ask because that's how Adrian Ivashkov works. I don't ask for permissions. That would be thinking. And I don't do that. I do what I do. I break the rules. Love it or hate it, I don't really care." At least for the rest of the world. With her, honestly, I don't know why or how, but I cared. More than ever.  
"Why did you get drunk the other day? I mean, you could resist it if you could all the times untill now. But you didn't. Why?" she asked. Good question. I had to think about it. She actually looked quite suprised when I replied, as if she gave up on getting an answer. "Why wouldn't I? Jill was the only reason I wouldn't, and she said I was free to do it. So I did. Now I'm realising she probably told me it's okay so that she'd convince me to run away easier. But I couldn't know that, could I?" Could I? Was this more my fault than it seemed? Maybe if I didn't have a hangover, I could predict what was happening or at least what she was planning in the first place and tell someone so that she'd be stopped before putting her - and Angeline's - life in danger. "No, you couldn't know. But all the drinking and smoking is destroying you, don't you know that? And anyway, why? I don't uderstand why would you do that at all?" I smiled. "It's not destroying me, Moroi can't get sick or anything. I'm sure you know that. And anyway, what's the harm of one idiot in the world missing? And well, Sage, no matter what I say, when I have my spirit moments, I sometimes let the world get to me. The best way to forget about it is forgetting everything for a night. Cigarettes, on the other side, help me calm down the minute it happens. I don't know if you noticed, but without them I get even moodier than usual. It annoys people. More than the smoke. If the smoke bothers you, then it doesn't really make sense to be around me." Sydney groaned. "The fact that you take under effect as usual itself is just wrong." I chuckled. "Yes, I guess I'm kind of addicted to that. I could go without. It just wouldn't be nice to anyone. And alcohol? I go without it easily, as you probably noticed. I just don't want to."  
We were both quiet after that. My words kind of hung in the air and, no matter how light and relaxed they were, had a bit of a heavy effect. We (I) brought the mood down, I could see it in Sydney's aura. It made me realise how lame I actually was. I looked trough the window, watching the colorful mix of cars passing by. It was actually quite like a mix of auras, exept going faster.  
I actually got uncharactilistcally quiet for, I don't know, half an hour. Then I checked Sydney's aura and saw she was in a good mood again. I was a lovely picture to see. I hoped I wasn't going to break it again. "Sage? Why are you so afraid of reeducation? I mean... What happens there? Not a lot scares you, as much as I know, and what does is, I gotta admitt, pretty scary. So this... What is it?" The moment I mentioned reeducation, her face went pale. Paler than I'd ever seen it. Out of life threathing situations, that is. "Do you really think they tell us? Yes, they keep scaring us with it, but never in details. I don't know their methods, and I probably don't even want to. Only people who were in there know what happens. But even if they talk when or if they come out, they don't say a thing about that. I knew a guy who had to go there. And when he got out... A robot. Only work, only Alchemist rules. No social life, no opinion. And, for me the worst, no thinking. That's what terrifies me the most about it. You lose your mind. And my mind is everything to me. You know, sometimes I get scared, in times like this. Like when I realised Jill was missing. If I couldn't rely on my mind, I'd freak out. But, when you get out of reeducation, you probably don't even feel fear anymore." Her words sent shimmers down my spine. It was really creepy they'd do sometging like that to a person. Because they thought we were human. Did they really see us like that? I knew Sydney was terrified of magic. But did she see me like that? Was I really just an evil creature of the dark? I acted like I didn't care, cause I really didn't. With the other Alchemist controll obsessive jerks. I knew who I was, who we were, and people I cared about did too. But Sydney... She was one of the people I cared about, in fact she was on the top of that list. Was she really afraid of me? But when you hear something like that, you gotta ask yourself. Who are the real monsters? Does your rase really make you a monster? Or do your actions? After what I just heard, the Alchemists scared Sydney more than I did. Maybe she told them otherwise, but that was becaude she was afraid of them. Afraid of what they'd do to her. She didn't have to tell me any of this. She didn't have to trust me. But she chose to. The only thing that scared her about me was what they'd say or do. Right? If any of this was true, then she had to resist it. It probably wasn't easy to resist something you've been taught your whole life. But if we'd do what we did till now, she's soft up. She'd realise what was true and resist her cruel sistem. Maybe she already did. Maybe she was just afraid. Who wouldn't be? Maybe I shouldn't hide what I felt. But I probably better still waited for a while. After what we talked about today, I got a major feeling we could change eachother's lifes forever.  
And then I got proof. Something that confirmed my theory (first theory in my life). "You see, that's why you can't tell anyone I actually like you guys. You're like my friends. I care about you. In fact, I was never closer to anyone in my life than I am with you. Exept my family. But they can't know. They'd take me away. If you didn't help me with Keith, I'd be in reeducation now. They'd take me a week after they took him and name my sister Zoe in my place. She'd love that, anyway. But she'd be different. She wouldn't even talk to you guys. I, on the other hand, was in trouble for helping Rose. I was lucky they didn't send me away in the first place. Keith was supervising me here. Since we had some unsolved problems, he'd love to get ridd of me and he got a great exuse when he saw I was getting closer with you guys. Well, I love it here now. It's different. So please, don't tell anyone." I smiled weakly. "I never meant to." She was different than what I knew before too. Much different. But... Sydney seemed cold to us in the begginning. And she was in trouble for being too close to us? What was okay for them? Touching us with a stick? Now I was sure they were the monsters here. "Is that where Keith is now? Reeducation?" She nodded. "I'm sorry to say that, but he almost deserved it."  
"No, I can't agree with that. He was an asshole, but nobody deserves something like that." Sydney bit her lip. "Trust me, he deserved it. You have no idea about the horrible things he's done."  
"Well, better him than you. But what do you have with him anyway?" She sighed. "I... Nothing. Really, it's no big deal. Anymore. I guess. I just don't want to think about it, okay?" I shrugged. I was getting to the bottom of this sooner or later. Later, it seemed though.  
"Doesn't Jill know we're comming? Trough the bond?" Sydney asked after a while. I shook my head carelessly. "I blocked myself from her." She glanced at me suspiciously. "Isn't that huge on you? Don't you use tons of energy?"  
"Nah. I'm blocked a bit all the time. So she can't take the effects on herself. I know she'd do it without hesitation, but I can't let her do that. She's suffered enough." Sydney smiled. "That's really sweet of you."  
After a bit more than two hours we arrived to Los Angeles. A big blue sign and palm trees greeted us. Blue sky, a nearby ocean, salty hot air, warm sunshine, people everywhere... More importantly, Moroi. I think I even saw a golden aura in the distance. I realised why Jill and Angeline'd choose to come here. It was heaven on Earth. I'd be happy to stay here, and judging from the expression on her face Sydney would be too if we weren't on such an important mission. Crossing all of the beauty, we headed straight to the famous Walk of Fame. As we exepcted, tons of people were there. Because of the croud, and also because of the constant stopping and exclamations of joy we made after seeing a star, we were only on the half of the whole thing after an hour. I'd never admitt it, but the sun was already getting to me and I had a headache because of all the auras. Sydney noticed it after a while though. "It's too hot for you, isn't it?" she asked. I shook my head, although I was feeling a bit dizzy. In the everything getting black kind of way. "Come on, let's get something to eat. I'm hungry anyway." That was really nice from her. It was Jill's life and she was looking at me. Wait. "If I felt bad, than Jill probably did too. They can't be here anymore." Sydney nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. But I really am hungry. Let's get something to eat. We might even run into them."  
We placed ourselves in a cute little restaurant nearby. I ordered the first thing on the menu, since I didn't feel like reading it and I also couldn't see the letters very clear because of the sunlight before. It turned out to be something mexican and actually quite delicious. Sydney only ordered something vegetaian or gluten free or something diet like that. To me, it looked like a salad. Not even big enough to be a meal. And diet coke. No wonder she was hungry before. She always ate like that. And she left a half. "Sage, you gotta eat, you know. Didn't you say you're hungry before?" I asked her, but she only shook her head. "I've had enough." I sighed. "How do you plan on growing and becoming big and strong like your mom while eating like that?" She laughed and accidentally took antoher bite, then threw her fork on the napkin as if it was burning hot. "Seriously? And just for the record, I'm taller than my mom already."  
"Who says I was talking about height?" She looked at me like I'm completely out of my mind and almost threw a menu into my head. "Come on, Sage, you gotta eat something! You want me to come over there and feed you myself, with these hands that don't do manual labor?" She laughed and took another bite again. Then she groaned and looked like she was about to spitt the food out. "See what you're making me do? Like I'm not too fat already! Could you please just... Why do you even care anyway?" Because I don't want such a beautiful and magnificent, practically perfect in every way girl think so bad of herself. But I didn't say that, even though it might be better if I did. I also didn't say it was because I love her, which would be a complete fail. I said: "Because I don't want you to faint somewhere. It's enough I almost did. And it probably takes tons of time we don't have for ambulance to come in L. A. Besides, it looks weird I'm the only one eating." She sighed. "Althought that's completety reasonable..." she raised her eyebrows at that like she doesn't really believe it, but hey, I'm Adrian Ivashkov, the fact that I have reasons makes it reasonable automatically, "...Sorry, I'm done eating." Before she coud call the waitor for the recieve and before I could actually go there and put food in her mouth, I thought of something. I pulled a box of cigarettes out of my pocked and pushed it towards her from where I sat. "Here. You end your dish and I'm done smoking for today. It's for the greater good. The enviroment and stuff. Deal?" She bit her lip and glanced at the box with disgust. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Deal." She took the box, but I stopped her with my had over hers. The touch sent electric trough my body. "Not yet. Eat first." She sighed and took her fork.  
It took her a while to finish (I don't think he was used to eating that much - although much... it was still a small meal to me). Then she took the box right away. I think it really annoyed her I was smoking the while time before. "Now what?" she asked. "First, I'm very proud you ate everything." She raised her eyebrows and snorted. "Okay. So I guess we keep looking for them?" I asked. She shrugged. None of us knew hot to continue. I looked around and spotted something glittery not far away. It took me a few seconds to realise what it was and what it meant for us. "Score! A lake! If they're anywhere, they have to be over there." And they were. As soon as we got a bit closer, I spotted the well known auras. The problem was, Jill sensed me too. I saw her pointing at our direction and then running after a few seconds. And they were running away from us. There was no way we'd catch them. But at least we got a glance at them and their clothes. We had a track. I followed the auras with Sydney behind me for almost half an hour. They finally stopped in a shopping mall. They probably thought we lost them. I was still blocked from Jill. We were just about to go after them, when Sydney got a phone call. She checked the calle's ID. "Shit, it's Eddie." She looked anxious, which was a bit weird. Wasn't lying to people her job? "Just stuck to the story," I told her. She nodded and answered: "Hey, what is it? I'm kind of busy here." Eddie obviously said something that sounded a bit annoyed. "I'm with Angeline. I have to sign her into the assigment. Jill's with Adrian." Then Eddie answered with something that made Sydney roll her eyes. "I'm sorry, I found out in the morning and had to leave right away. You know I can't get into the boys' dorm that early." Eddie obviously said something. "Well, you can hang out with Micah or something. Or... I don't know, just keep yourself busy. Don't you ever do anything when you're not guarding Jill?" she replied. And then, after a short break that probably meant the answer was no: "Oh." Then Eddie probably asked where Jill and I are, because Sydney said: "I don't know, call them and ask." She didn't even have to tell me anything. I quickly turned my phone off. And of course Jill wasn't gonna answer. While I was dealimg with my phone, Sydney stopped talking to Eddie. "He's a bit annoyed we left him at home." I shook my head unnaproovingly. "He shouldn't be. We're trying to save him from a heart attack. He should be gratefull." Sydney smiled at that.  
We were about to head into the mall, when we noticed a - for a non-moroi place - big group of Moroi, discussing something very loudly. "Well that looks suspicious," Sydney noted. I nodded and stepped towards them. One of them noticed us. "Hey, you don't see a Moroi here very often," he said. I laughed. "Good point. But you notice one when you see him, right? Have you seen a fifteen year old Moroi girl by chance? Long brown hair and green eyes? She's my sister. And she's with a Dhampir the same age." I could easily say Jill was my sister, especially to humans. We had the same complexion and body shape, and our hair and eye color was similar enough. The Moroi laughed. "Oh, you mean the princess. Yeah, you don't have to pretend with us. We're hunting for her too. We're in L. A. for ages, and we made an ambush as soon as we found out. There's one in the bowling alley and in all the restaurants, even in some of the shops. She's fifteen after all. She shops." I smiled, even though the blood was freezing in my venes. We ran right into the assasains. The people we were hiding Jill from. They killed her once. We had to stop them from doing it again. "Oh, then you're the guys we were looking for. We're a special team, sent from our baze. We can get her alone and get ridd of her in a few moves. No worries, we'll find her." The Moroi nodded. He didn't seem to notice I was just bluffing. "Exellent. One of the guys in the ambush said they saw her in one of the shops on the east side. Unoccupied, unfortunatly. So, go ahead." Sydney seemed a bit scared, but she followed me towards the entrance. We were almost in, when I hearda suspicious "Wait a second!" I turned around. It was the Moroi. "I know you. Aren't you that Ivashkov guy? Who is her friend?" There was no way I'd come up with a good exuse in that moment. "Run!" Sydney yelled and pulled me behind her. We didn't go inside, because we knew if we'd look for Jill, they'd kill her right away. I was sure of that, because one of the Moroi yelled into his walkie-talkie: "Find the princess and kill her right away! They sent protection behind her!" I was just a step ahed of Sydney and we were about to turn into some street to get ridd of them, when an asphalt wall suddenly grew from the ground. "Earth users," I muttered. Sydney shrieked quietly and held my hand tightly so that she wouldn't fall. She was so scared it made her knees weak. I had to think of something to do. Fast. They'd kill us too. The only thing that was left to do was magic. But how was I suppose to fight with spirit? I couldn't make plants grow as fast as Sonya did, ad even if I ould, there was no nature around here. Not even plam trees. Not that they would help. Compultion would take too much time... I used to do all elements, but pretty weakly. My only chance seemed to me telekinesis. So, well, I breathed in and sent a wave of power that would in best case knock them all down. A miricale, it actually did. I stared at the Moroi on the ground, with no idea how I did that. I don't know which one of us was more suprised. Sydney and I were suppose to run away now, but there was one problem. Sydney was even harder to move than the Moroi would be. And I used no magic on her. She was just afraid. I got that completely, she was taught to be afraid of magic, but I couldn't hold them down forever. Actually, I was running out of power and about to crack. This was gonna be bad. I had to pull Sydney behind me. She didn't resist, but her whole body was like made of stone. It took us a while to get into the safe shelter of the mall. I knew we were lucky. For now. Sydney was shaking. "How... That's not..." she stuttered. "Sage, I get you shocked. But they're still after Jill. You want me to go alone?" She shook her head. "I'm comming. Just..." She breathed in deeply, trying to put herself together and nodded. "Let's go."  
We found Jill and Angeline in a few minutes. Again, we were very lucky. There was no way I'd call Jill in this area. They'd all know she's there. "Angeline!" I yelled. She turned around. "Come here! They're after you!" Jill pulled her hand and shook her head. I unblocked my mind and sent Jill a mind message. I told her everything that just happened. But it looked like she refused to listen. We tried the old fashioned way. Going after them. But they got away. Straight into the bowling alley. The ambush.  
When Sydney and I managed to catch them, I was completely out of breath. That stopped me from running again, but not from constant mind messages that Jill still ignored. She headed towards the corner where you borrow shoes with Angeline behind her. The guy behind the counter was Moroi. For a moment I got a feeling they were blind not to notice it. I couldn't hear what he was saying from that far, but he obviously asked them to come in the back with who knows what excuse. "They're about to..." Sydney said quietly. I nodded. "Action," I muttered. We sneaked behind the counter and found ourselves in a small room with Jill, Angeline, five other Moroi and tons of shoe boxes. It looked crouded and way too small for so many people. All the Moroi were armed. Angeline stepped in front of Jill protectivley. One of the Moroi pulled a knife. Shit. Angeline managed to block him and knock him down, but gained a nasty cut on her wrist. He wasn't gonna stay out of the fight forever, and there were still four more guys. I was never a violent person, but I hat to go in. Sydney was right behind me. God knows how much the Alchemists trained her for situations like this.  
It was all about protecting Jill, not attacking. I punched the guy that closed me to get pass me in the face. He slammed me into the wall, but was obviously in pain from before. Unfocused enough for me to use compultion on him. It was hard, but I managed to make him leave the room and forget what he wanted. I ignored the slight pain in the back of my head from crashing into the wall and stepped back in front of Jill. Sydney kicked a guy into his stomach and made him crawl down in pain. I compelled him quickly and did the same with the guy Angeline knocked down before. When I was done, she was already hitting a guy into his chest with her elbow. He crashed right into a corner of a closet and also fell down. I held him on the floor, trying to compell him too. He was resisting more than anyone else, going to the point where he punched me a few times, but I still did it. I stunk at fighting, but these guys weren't exactly trained very well. It looked like the last one was the best. For a second, the room was silent in our succes. The only sound in the room was our deep breathing. And then a scream ripped the silence apart. In that moment I realised we forgot about the real reason we were doing all of this and started to fight. We forgot about Jill. And there was one assasain left.

**So, I hope it's obvious that the one last assasain (Did I even spell that corectly?) was the one who made Jill scream. This chapter also contained the most Sydrian for now, as rednidi3, so I hope it's okay. This chapter is also one of the longer ones, and it would be even longer and not ending at a point like this if I didn't need something for the next chapter which will probably be shorter. Okay, that's enough for now, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing, please et me know, of course! Bye until the next time!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi! I'm back! Okay, so this was less than a week. I'm gonna be gone for a while now because I'm going to London! No time to write! It might take up to two weeks, but I'll try to do it as soon as possible. I just knew I had to post this before I leave. I'm so exited! Okay, so. I'm sorry for any mistakes I made, everything belongs to Richelle mead, spoilers ahead and – please, review! I kinda miss those. Enjoy!**

When I heard the scream and nothing but a cold, quiet laugh followed, I was sure Jill was dead. And I couldn't take a look at her dead. Again. But I had to. I turned around with my teeth clenched and my fingers formed into fists, holding my breath. And she was still alive. I breathed out in relief. There was a big bleeding woond on her arm and the Moroi leaning over her had a bloody knife in her head. His friends were only going to kill her because they believed it was for the best. But this guy was a monster. Not much better than the Strigoi. Exactly what Sydney was afraid of in us. He wanted Jill's blood, he wanted her to suffer before he'd kill her. I almost jumped over there and puched him away, but he must've realised it. His cold, cruel eyes met mine. "One step, and she's dead in a second." His voice was like eyes and he snapped his fingers for a better effect. I didn't move. None of us did. "Last words, princess?" the assasain asked Jill. I didn't need auras or the bond to see the fear in her eyes. Her face was grimaced in pain and she was leanimg back, as far away from the knife as she could. But she still raised her head with pride and dignity. I hat to admire that, even afraid for her life. "Go ahead, kill me," she said. WHAT? What did she just say? Everyone in the room seemed just as suprised as I was. My heart fell. She couldn't gie up. Could she? Jill continued: "You're not going to change anything. Don't you people keep up? The queen already changed the law. I don't matter anymore. You can't get her off the throne by killing me." Oh, good, she was fooling him. I knew that, but he didn't. His eyes almost fell out of his face. He dropped the knife. Angeline jumped ahead and picked it up. The Moroi took his walkie-talkie and yelled furious: "Cancel everything, they changed the law!" Then he stormed out.  
Jill got up and ran towards us, with tears slidding down her face. I hugged her stronger than ever before. "Jailbait, don't you ever do that again. I don't think my heart still works the way it was suppose to," I muttered. She laughed, wiping the tears away. "I'm so sorry... To all of you," he stuttered. Angeline looked at her suprised. "Sorry? Why? This was the best thing since I got here! I was starting to think you guys never fight." I opened my mouth and closed again. "We don't," Sydney said. That seemed to break Angeline's heart and the look on Sydney's face told me there's gonna be a major fight (with words) about what just happened soon. I healed everyone's woonds before anyone in the city could see us as bloody messes. Not just because we'd embarass ourselves, but also because it'd be suspicious.  
We headed towards the car. It took us quite a while to get there. We'd be lucky if we got them back into Amberwood before curfew and I probably had like ten thousand missed calls from Eddie. We were gonna have to tell him. I explained it all to Jill when she asked.  
We were in the car for about fifteen minutes, when Sydney asked a question that was about to open the fight I knew was gonna happen. "Why would you even do that? Okay, Jill, I get it, you had it hard, but Angeline? You're her guardian! You were suppose to keep her safe!" Angeline's eyes burned in anger. "I thought that's what I was suppose to do! She's my charge, I thought I was suppose to do what she tells me! She didn't tell me I have to, but she asked me to. What was I suppose to do, let her go alone? She'd be in much more danger then!" Sydney snorted in disbelief. "She wouldn't go alone! Don't you think she was in danger right now? Didn't you learn anything right now? How fragile everything is? Why are we here? They'd do anything they could to kill her. She's in Amberwood for a reason. And so are you. To keep her there." Angeline leaned forward. This time, the shine in her eyes came from tears. "How am I suppose to know all of that? I don't know this world, I don't know what you all want from me. I tried! I protected her as good as I could! She's still alive, isn't she? I fought the best I could, didn't I? I thought that's what being a guardian's all about! That's what they told me my whole life. But my best isn't good enough, isn't it?" That sounded horribly familiar. Angeline continued: "But you don't care, Sydney, do you? You don't care we're not all as perfect as you are. Just as long as you can yell at us for doing everything wrong and make up silly rules about how danger is everywhere and we can't do anything. You don't care if we just had bad luck or if I don't know what you want because nobody told me." In the end, Angeline was practically sobbing trough her words. Sydney didn't response for her calling her heartless between the lines, but I almost did. Jill stopped me by kicking the back of my passenger seat. She was right. It took me, what, a month to realise there was more in Sydney and twice as long to realise what she really was. That was today. But Angeline just got here. She couldn't know. "Sydney, Angeline, don't fight. This was my fault. I used Angeline not knowing her duties completely to make her run away with me. I shouldn't have. And Angeline, don't judge Sydney. You don't know her well enough yet. She really wants better for us all. If you ever have any problems with the culture or your job, ask me. I'll never use you again, I promise. I'm so sorry, guys," Jill said with a soothing voice. I didn't know if she was feeling guitly or just softing the situation, but I was just about to say it wasn't her fault. And then Sydney turned the car out of the highway. She stopped on the first gas station, stormed out of the car and slammed the door. She slammed the door! Wow. Angeline was still looking at her legs, hiding her tears, but Jill touched my shoulder. "Do you have any idea what was that about?" she asked. I gave her a few thoughts in explanation and hurried behind Sydney. She was behind the building, leaning on the wall. She dug her nails into her skin to the point where she was almost bleeding. Her lips were pressed together so tightly they dissappeared. She was crying. And all the physical pain she was causing herself right now was trying to stop the tears. "Sage?" I said. She shook her head, not looking at me. "I'm fine. Just... Give me a moment." We stood there quietly for a few seconds, then she said: " Sorry I just stopped like that. I was afraid we were gonna crash somewhere." I smiled. "You did the right thing. As always." She sighed in the way that was almost sobbing. "You know, Angeline didn't mean all of that. She was just defensive because she was hurt. That's what people do in situations like that."  
"It's not that. It's just... She was right in some point. Not that I don't care, but I guess I look like it sometimes. Because I don't know! Everything is allimg apart and I have no idea what's right or wrong. Sometimes I feel like the Alchemists are completely wrong about vampires and everything is ridiculous. But then you have people like those assasains and they're exactly what I was always taught to be afraid of. What if you guys are just exeptions and everyone else is like that? And if they're the exeptions, what am I suppose to do? I can't resist the Alchemists. They're what I was born into and people like them still make me feel so scared, exactly what we're fighting against, because it's evil and unnatural and unhealthy and just wrong!" A tear slidded down her cheeck. "Hey, I never told you how awesome you were out there. You must've been terrified, trust me, I was too, but wow, you fought like you do that every day." She snorted. "That's because I believe people like that shouldn't live. Did you see him? He was like Strigoi! No mercy, no feelings." I nodded. "Exactly. He wanted her to suffer. But some humans are like that too. And believe me, almost no Moroi are." I remembered the look in the Moroi's eyes and winced. I doubted there were more than ten people like that in the world.  
I touched Sydney's hand. "Look, Sage, I'm not gonna be another person in your life who tells you what to do. You're gonna have to make a decision on your own. Or it's the same as if you never did. But, I'm sure there are ways of resisting the Alchemists if you chose that. Anyhow, I know you're scared and confused now, who wouldn't be? But everything's gonna settle down. Soon. You'll see everything clear and, even if it might not be what you always believed, it'll be much easier to make a decision. It'll be hard and you'll have to be strong, but since I've known you for a while now, I know you won't have any problems with dealing whatever life brings you. In the end, you'll see, you'll even get to college somehow." Her eyes shined at that. College was her dream. I couldn't help it but admire that in her. She was so perfect, just standing there, leaning on the wall, still with a few tears left in her eyes that looked more gold than ever. I never noticed her makeup, she kept it natural, but I could see little golden bits on her cheek where the tears washed the powder - or whatever she was wearing - away.  
We were just standing there for a while, both quiet. Although it wasn't like us, the silence was comfterble. Then she wiped the tears from her face with her hand and sighed. "Let's go," she said. I shrugged and followed her back to the car.  
Jill gave me a meaningful look, but I didn't have a clue what it was suppose to mean. She formed a phone with her hand and raised it next to her ear. "Call me!" she formed with her lips. I nodded and smiled, barely holding laughter back.  
The ride back passed quickly with Sydney by my side. Naturally, Sydney and Angeline both apologized, but no further complications followed. Although I couldn't say that for the scene in my apartment when we came back. It was already getting dark in Palm Springs and Eddie was parading in circles all over my living room. He jumped on his feet the moment we walked in. "Oh, thank goodness you're okay! I thought something happened when I couldn't reach anyone and... Don't you ever just leave without me like that! I was worried sick!" he exclaimed. So, that sounded like he was talking to all of us, but his eyes were on Jill the whole time. "Yeah, Adrian, where were you the whole day? You know we're behind with the research and you can't just dissappear for the whole day to have some time off!" Eddie nodded and even tok his eyes off Jill on me. "I'd like to know that too. Where were you?" I was about to shoot out with a random story about old friends and bad traffic, but Jill touched my shoulder. "Let's just tell them. I have a few more appologies to make." I didn't respond. She looked around the room at the three pairs of eyes staring at her in curiousity. "Okay. Angeline and I ran away to Los Angeles." Eddie opened his mouth, but seemed to be speechles. "Why?" he finally blurted. And then a river of words bursted out of him. "And why didn't you tell me anything? I knew you had it hard, but that hard? The whole point of me being here is keeping you safe and be there for you! I thought you trusted me! Do you have any idea how much you risked! You could've been dead! And you guys? Why didn't you take me with you? You know I'd do anything I could to help!" Okay. This was the most upset thing I've ever heard Eddie say. At the attack... Yeah, he faught, but when Jill was dead, he just stuttered. Understandable. While my mind raced as fast as never before. I'm just special.  
"We know you would. If you wouldn't freak out. Like you did now. But you wouldn't know everything's gonna be fine yet. You could get a heart attack. You could die. We saved your life." I waited a moment for him to consider that. "You're welcome," I added. Eddie shook his head like he wanted to get ridd of a ridiculous thought. "Jill?" he asked. "Look, I know I risked. But I just couldn't take it anymore! I just felt horrible! And I really would tell you, but wouldn't you feel all guitly because you supposingly didn't do enough for me to feel better in the first place? I know you," she ended gently after a fierce speech. Eddie looked like he's about to melt. "Jill, if you ever feel like that, you have to tell me. I know I'm just your guardion for you, but I want to be more than that. Your friend and... I... I..." Jill looked at him with a desperat look on her face. "I want that too. But you're gonna have to stop acting so paranoid. Come on, yiu weren't there today and eerything was fine. What's with you? You used to be different. We were friends, just like you said. Don't you remember? We made jokes and... And once, you were in frond of my door guarding, and I came outside with a brush stuck in my hair. It took us half an hour to get it out and you laughed the whole time. It was a few days after the attack. Yuu've been like this since we found out about Palm Springs. Why?" Eddie sighed. "Because that's when I realised what was really happening. And what happened before. I was too late. I can't let it happen again. I can't let anything happen to you. Jill, you have no idea how much I care about you and I... I..." Whoa, Eddie got in a dangerous area. This sounded like another splash of confesions was about to go down. That meant drama and that I was gonna have to use compultion again and everything I did today was already bringing me down... "Adrian, what the fuck are you thinking about? I don't get it," Jill said confused. Was that a thankful look from Eddie? Looks like my philosophy saved him. Good for him. I was still a bit exosted. But I knew that was about to be over soon. There'd be no way I'd fall asleep that night. I felt the weight of all those dark emotions crushing my mind while Jill explained the whole story with occasional help from Angeline. I really, really didn't feel like hearing it all again. I just left into my bedrom and fell on my bed.  
I had no idea how long was I lost in mx miserable thoughts when Sonya entered the room. The expression on her face was really weird. "Hey," she said. I responded with a brief nodd and waited for her to tell me why she was here. She didn't just come to say hi. Not that she wouldn't do it, but right now she was just way too excited. "Is it true that you knocked a bunch of people down with telekinesis?" she asked. Yeah, I was right about the intention of her visit. "It's true." Her eyes shined even more. Her smile reflected almost... Admiration? That was something new. I mean, admiration for my powers. I got admiring looks from girls all the time. "How did you do that? Would you teach me? I've learned to heal and make plants grow and reading auras and stuff... But telekinesis isn't one of my skills. It was really fascinating what you did with Eddie and this... I don't even dare to think about it." I managed to give her a fake smile. "It's not that hard. I mean, I can do it. Of course it's not hard. I didn't even know if I'll make it. With Eddie, there was a need for that. It took me a while to do it. And now, I just did what I did before. It's very much like healing, or any use of spirit, exept that it's more about visualization. I'd love to teach you, or at least try, just not right now." Sonya nodded in understanding. "I get it. I see it takes a lot of energy." I shrugged. "Guess so. So does compultion. Or the fact that I'm not good at either." She shook her head. "Not true. The fact that you burned out now says a lot." I leaned my head back and closed my eyes with a decision to ignore the world for a while. Maybe someone else would find it rude, but Sonya got it. She had experience with that. I heard her breathing for a while, then a quiet sound as the door closed and a few steps down the hall.  
It seemed like, judging from the silent talking I still heard, the research was still going on the way it was before. Without me. It was already quite late, 10 pm. I figured since I had nothing better to do, it would be no harm if I went there and checked on them. Or whatever. But when I closed the living room door, I heard Dimitri's voice clearly enough to understand the words he was saying. On the phone, to be clear. "Bye, Roza." Roza was his cute little russian nickname for Rose. And then one of those cliche couple you hang up first talks started. It was incredibly lame and it also stung way more than I expected. It was like a flashback of everything I forgot. It's true I only forot it for two weeks or so, but I thought I was over it now. Obviously I wasn't. That same old jelousy, mixed with all those other feelings like misery and anger got over me again and that was only about Rose. Spirit was, of course, there too. I just got back into my bed and pulled the blanked over my head. Heartbreaks, as I figured out lately, hurt horribly and they also seem to take very long. I should be over it by now. Not that I had much experience with it.  
I did, although, think I might get some more soon when Sydney walked in. She lighted up the room filled with my darkness. Of course I noticed that when she pulled the cover from the top of my head. I barely ahd to fake a smile when I sat up. She gave me the box of cigarettes back. It was hilarious the way she was holding it with the tips of her fingers, like there was some dangerous virus on it. "So, the day's almost over and you survived without another cigarette. You can have them back now." I shook my head. "Keep it, Sage. I have plenty. Keep it and keep eating. We both need to stay strong. You phisically and me mentally." She laughed. "You know this almost sounds like you're about to quit." Maybe it did, but I got lost in the sound of her laugh. "Sage, your smile is like the sun that chases the clouds of my miserable world away," I said with a dreamy voice. She stared at me like the time I made a comment about her eyes. But this time, she knew I was all spirit crazy. It was horrible knowing something was controlling me, because I wouldn't say that otherwise. I wouldn't make a fool out of myself in front of Sydney. But, however, she was used to it. I didn't care about anything around her, she made it all better. And Rose never did, I realised.  
That thought didn't help me when Sydney left with everyone else. I was alone and if the darkness didn't leave the right effect before (or wrong), it definetly did now. Everything, everything came after me. Rose again. My dad yelling at me. My mom in jail because of me. The horrible, horrible things I've seen in my life. Like Jill dead, pictures of Aunt Tatiana in blood, the thing with Lee... And things more specifically. How it all started. I mean, how the end started. Vegas. Rose was only there to save Dimitri. I should've known by then. But no, I kept believing her she loves me, even though I had my doubts after she risked her own and many other lifes to save his. But no, I went to the point where I left her to run away with him, still trusting her blindly. I should've known when she didn't hug me in a dream. But no, I waited so long, denying everything to myself, that there was no other way in the end. The moment I caught them kissing crushed me forever. I thought the pain and the jelousy were going to kill me. The anger and hate. For myself. I thought I'll never be the same again. But did I want to be?  
Next thing, all the things my dad ever told me. A thousand times I heard, how I can't do nothing right, how I'm incapable of doing anything but drinking and running after girls, how nothing's ever good enough, how I keep ruining everything, how I'm lazy, selfish, stupid, how I'm gonna give up the moment I get to it, how even if I tried I wouldn't make it, how I should try and make something out of myself because I'm a loser. If you don't make it for the first time, you have to try again, right? And again and again and again, untill you make it. But what if you make it, it's still not good enough?  
My mom, nothing to say, she probably hates me by now. And Jill... Probably the only thing I ever did right. But the picture of her, Strigoi pale complexion, laying in blood, dead, so young and vounarable still haunted me. And also the look on Eddie's face. It was horrible, especially in these moments.  
And now for Aunt Tatiana. It's been a while since I dared to think about her. It always hurted. It was terrifieing to see the picture of her dead, all in blood and with horror on her face. I missed her so much now. She was the only one who understood. Jill did now and I'd always want her around, but Aunt Tatiana was special. Of course she was. She got me and I got her. I was one of the rare people who really knew her. Not only as the queen. I wanted her back. When we both felt good, we used to smoke behind the throne room, and when I was down like this, she always called me her little artist and she comforted me when no one else could. She soothed spirit. And, most encouraging, she had faith in me. Sometimes... Sometimes I felt like Sydney did too now. But she couldn't be here for me now. Neither did Aunt Tatiana. I was on my own.  
"You're not on your own," a familiar voice said. Yeah. It was my aunt. "Yes, I am. You're dead. Remember?" I asked, realising I'm talking out loud with a voice in my head. This once happened before. When I brought Jill back. It was much like this, exactly like her. I talked to her for a while, and then slammed the door into my head so that I wouldn't have that much trouble falling asleep. Maybe it was the huge amount of spirit, combined with missing her. I was just considering what to do now. And then felt a sting in my chest. I realised I not only miss my aunt, but also the others. My mom, not my dad, but also Lissa and Christian and some of my other friends at Court. The best way to get ridd of that? I got up and left for the nearest bar.  
I woke up with a pounding headache, as usual. I briefly remembered finding an all you can drink bar, doing that exactly and then maybe passing out. I struggeled to open my eyes and everything I saw was white. Actually, this wasn't very unfamilliar. It could be a hospital. It's happened before. Alcohol poisoning. I've had fun nights and woke up in hospitals. It's been a while since the last time. Well, not that long. After Rose broke up with me, lots of interesting things happened.  
However, a nurse entered. She was dressed weirdly for a nurse, though. I've never seen uniforms like that before. "What happened? What is this place?" I asked. "Don't worry, you're here to get help," she said with a compassioned smile. "I'm... Where?" I asked her slowly, not sure if I should act like she's a bit on the dumb side or if I should be afraid of whatever this whole "help" thing meant. "This is the Royal Moroi Court public mental hospital." I gasped for air. I had no idea what this was suppose to mean and I, Adrian Ivashkov, was speechless. When I finally got back to saying words, I only blurted: "I'm not talking to the world."

**Yeah, it's a bit longer than I intended, but I don't think that's a problem, right? However, everything's fine with Jill, as you can see. I hope you liked it. Oh, and if anyone's about to review, let me know what you think happened that night so that he ended up in a mental hospital. See you in a while, wish me a nice stay in London :D Untill the next time read and review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, now it's been really long. Too long. London got me all busy. It was so awesome! Anyhow, I'm sorry for any mistakes. Everything belongs to Richelle Mead (did you se The Ruby Circle quotes? I died!) and it also contains major spoilers. Oh, and I'd really like some rewievs. So, rea and review, I hope you enjoy!**

The nurse gave me that pity smile again. "It's okay to be here. Everyone has their problems. We're here to help you solve yours." The look on my face probably told her I wasn't buying any of this. She left for a second. Of course I used the opportunity to try to break trough the door. But I soon learned (on the hard way) that it locked automatically. When the nurse came back, I heard a click. That's when I noticed the card hanging around her neck. Yay.  
So, I got a glass of water. I was kinda insecure about it, but my head was still heavy and I needed it. Though it tasted a bit weird. But I didn't say anything. Maybe it was just my dried mouth, unable to taste anything. Or maybe my poor brain was trying to work on so many information at the same time, it was starting to make them up. Then I realised I was in a mental hospital. No trusting the food or water there. "What's in this?" I asked the nurse. "Nothing special. Just a medicine that weakens your physical skills enought that you're not dangerous, but not enough to do damage. We give it to everyone," she replied. I quietly growled. "How the fuck did I even get in here?" A cold look appeared in the nurse's eyes. "There's no need for such language," she hissed. "Yeah? There isn't? I don't fucking care! I just woke up in a shitting hospital and I have no idea why! Just tell me what the fuck am I doing here!" And now she looked terrified. "The club owner called your father from your phone. He said you have problems for years now. Then you were taken here." I should have known. Who else could it be? My dear father, knowing the best for everyone again, ruining my life. I demanded a doctor or whatever immediately. In the begining, everyone told me they can't help me, so they kept sending me forward. I ended up in the hospital manager's office. Fortunately, she was really nice. "So, why shouldn't you be here?" she asked. I had the answer prepared the whole time, of course. "I'm not addicted at all. You can't go around, listening to my dad, who has no idea or interest in whatever I do! Test me if you don't believe it. I can't go without it anytime." The manager gave me a smile that said she didn't believe me. "Then why don't you? Why do you keep drinking?" I wanted to go with the because I can excuse, but then I remembered this was a Moroi hospital. There'd be nothing wrong if they'd feel sorry for me. It might even help me. "Because of spirit. It's the only reason I do it. And that's only to make myself feel better. I could still go without it." Could I? "Okay. If that's true, you should have the right to prove it. You're going to be locked in a room with nothing but a bottle. For a week. Of course you're going to get food and water. Are you okay with that?"  
"A week?" I exclaimed. "Would you rather stay here for a few months?" the manager asked. So, it was decided. They took me to a room that was even more white, empty and impersonal than the one before. It only had a small bed and a closet. And a table (white, of course) with a bottle of some finest wine I'd ever seen. "You'll be getting food and water three times a day. The hospital employee that will bring it to you, will also check the bottle. You can open it up whenever you want, but that means an emediat start of your rehabilitation," the manager said. I nodded. She left. It was weird she even took enough time to deal with me.  
I spent most of the first day laying on the bed, daydreamimg about Sydney. A day before I thought I missed people at Court. I haven't seen Sydney for a day, and my chest was burning with the thought of her so far away. How was I gonna survive a week? Certinately easier than three months, a voice in my mind said.  
Everyone in Palm Springs must've wondered where I was. Oh, right. Jill. I sent her about 3000 mind messages about needing help right away. This was serious. Then I realised it wasn't bringing me anywhere. What was done was done. Spirit was only gonna bring me down, and I had no effect soothing products I could use.  
That's it! I could enter dreams! But who would be asleep right now? As much as I knew, I was at Court. Or maybe a bit away. But definetly the same time zone as Lissa and Christian and everyone else here I knew. And there was no way the Queen was asleep at... Whatever was the time. I assumed it was about 8 am. Since she was elected, Lissa woke up at at least 6 every day. But Palm Springs was a different story. I think the time was about 3 hours behind Pennsylvania. So 5 am. I could totally enter someone's dream. Of course I wanted to go to Sydney's, but there was a small chance she was already awake and a bigger one that she'd freak out if she found herself in a spirit-guided dream again. Jill was the safest choice, I knew that. She'd understand. She always did.  
I closed my eyes and focused. It should be easy, that is if Jill was asleep. But I never got to finding out if she was. I couldn't get into her dreams. It was like whenver I tried it drunk, except that I was aware of myself this time. I just couldn't get out of my head. What was wrong? Last night's effects couldn't still be here, right? Just a medicine that weakens your physical skills. Does that include magic? "Shit!" I really was trapped in here. I hoped for a connection out of this hell and maybe someone who'd get me out sooner. Looked like I was just gonna have to wait. I could only hope the bond was still working.  
It was a boring day, and that was the room's intention. I figured I had nothing better than sleeping to do. Once again, it'd probably have trouble with that, but it's not like I had anything else to distract myself with. At least nothing I could use.  
Besides, it might be easier than I thought. Maybe the pills did it, but I didn't have a hangover and I felt almost a bit sleepy.  
Anyhow, when I closed my eyes, all I could see was Sydney's face. Her beautiful half golden eyes with long eyelashes I doubted she ever noticed, and her shiny blond hair I wanted to run my fingers trough, and her soft pink lips that always looked so kissable. Suddenly, I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't anymore. Her hair slipped trough my fingers, just as soft as it always seemed, her lips were in my lips, just as kissable as I imagined, her legs wraped around my body and our finger tangled. Our bodies and souls became one. Then I realised I had to be dreaming, awake or asleep. I didn't care, however. I just... Went back. Back to Sydney who wasn't really there. Because I knew the next time I'd imagine it, it wouldn't seem so real and I wouldn't believe my own imagination. I've been craving for that so long, since... Before Rose. No, for my whole life. What I had before, with other girls... It didn't mean anything. I didn't feel anything. Girls at Court were (at least the ones I had anything to do with) easy, and so was I back then. Maybe I still was. Maybe that was about the people around me. The thing is I felt more satisfied with Rose than I had my whole life before abd nothing even happened between us. And with Sydney... LITERALLY we weren't even together and we never would be, but she... Every word she said, even in my mind, seemed so real, it made me so happy. That was probably why I was hanging so hard on my imagination the one time I could rely on it. Maybe I loved her. Or had a really good chance for it to happen in the future. I didn't exactly know how love really felt. That bothsided love that could make my heart burn in the passion no one ever made me feel before and... Okay, maybe I at least slightly knew how it felt.  
A nurse entered tbe room. It wasn't the one from the morning, which I couldn't care less about. It only mattered that she had my lunch. I jumped off the bed, still half dreaming and yelling something about help arriving. The nurse's eyes widened. I must've terrified her. "Sorry," I laughed. She just shook her head, saying it doesn't matter. "Did you have any intention to drink untill now?" she asked. I shook my head, but she still checked the bottle. Not that I didn't get it. I had ine question before she left. "Is there any way I can shover here? Cause I stink like a pig." She nodded. "You have fifteen minutes of bathroom time every morning and evening. And the toilet's on the left. And I'd hurry up with the food, I have to take it away after half an hour." I rolled my eyes. This was getting ridiculous. "I'm guessing I don't have a bed cover because I could choke myself with it?" The nurse gave me an aprooving smile. "You're a quick study." I grinned with every single bit of charm and charisma I had left in myself. It wouldn't hurt if I had someone on my side here. "Well, thank you. Nice to know at least someone noticed." The nurse chuckeled. What was nice to know was that people could like me without compultion.  
The nurse left then and I hurried up with my lunch. It wasn't very clear what was it suppose to be, but hey, I haven't eaten for about a day. Not to mention the fact that I'd need blood sooner or later. I had to find out what was up with that.  
The lunch tray was taken away soon and I had nothing to do again. Sleeping was not an option anymore. I decided to search trough the room if there was anything usefull. Or at least interesting. Even though it didn't seem very promising. The closet only contained the clothes I was in last night, which made me realise I was in some horrible tan colored sweatsuit. "Ha, you didn't think everything trough. I can still choke myself with my pants," I muttered. But I only planned to do that if neccesarry.  
Then I searched trough the bed. I didn't have a cover to look under, but I did lift the mattress (Which was suprisingly heavy. I barely lifted it. Or maybe it was just the medicine they gave me before.). Nothing. Not even under the pillow. Or in its case. What was I even doing again?  
I decided to take a look at the bathroom. Well. The nurse was right calling it a toilet, because there was nothing else but a sink in the room. And it smelled. Not nice. I haven't even used it yet. God knows who was here before. I didn't even want to know. I probably cleaned my apartment with the pine cleaner more often than they did. The soap was in the last stage that could be called soap instead of stone. It was weird they even left it there. I could throw it into my head untill it killed towells were paper, of course. The real ones could be dangerous.  
This was just sad. How could I end up here? Did my own father really hate me that much? I didn't even dare to touch the table with the bottle. Someone might come running in, claiming I drank the half of the wine. How would people react if they found a dead person in boxers with pants wrapped around their neck? It probably wouldn't be the first time.  
After lying on my bed for a while, I heard screams. There was a small window on the door, just big enough to see stuff trough it. I've looked trough it before, but nothing was happening in the hall. Now I saw a young Moroi girl, probably a bit younger than me, running down the hall screaming with probably half of the hospital staff behind her. I didn't have any idea what was going on with her, but it was my luck. It was definetly more interesting than anything else today. But I felt sorry for the girl. She looked terrified. As if she wanted to run away, but they held her back. Maybe I was lucky for now. At least I got a chance to prove they can let me out, even though nobody probably believed I'd pass.  
"No, no, no!" the girl screamed. "You can't do this to me!" That voice sounded familiar. Actually, now that they held her still, I could swear I'd seen her before. Her piercing blue eyes were suddenly right in front of the window I was looking trough. She was looking at me. "Save yourself while you can," she whispered. Then someone hit the back of her head. They knocked her out, but I already knew who she was. Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wondered what happened to Avery Lazar, here was the answer. Not exactly a clear answer, but I could still ask the nice nurse. Well, I could tehnically ask the weird nurse too, or any other nurse, but it wasn't very likely they'd tell me anything.  
As they took Avery away, I returned to my bed. But I couldn't get her out of my mind. Is this where she'd been the whole time? What about Simon and Reed? Where were they taking her? Were we the only spirit users here? Or were there more? Why in the whole wide world would they take my powers away right now, when I could really use some aura checking?  
Soon I got bored again, so I went back to the window. But I didn't have 'luck' this time. Nothing was going on. It seemed like ages, but I survived untill dinner. Unfortunately, the weird nurse brought it. I still asked. "That girl before was Avery Lazar, right?" The nurse ignored me, but I already knew that anyway. It was no reason to give up. "What's going to happen to her?" Still nothing. "Are there more spirit users in this hospital?" The nurse gave me an annoyed look. "I can't give you any information about other patients. And if you excuse me, I have to leave anyway. You've got half an hour." I rolled my eyes and nodded. At least I didn't ignore her.  
A bit after dinner, bathroom time really happened. Well, it didn't exactly shock me. I trusted the nurse. But still. After all of this, it felt like luxury. I even got fresh clothes after the fifteen minutes passed, which suprised me. I mean, I didn't exactly gasp for air, but I didn't expect it. Like, they gave us fresh clothes, but they couldn't afford soap? It didn't really matter, though.  
I went straight to bed, so that I'd fall asleep in time. Who knew when they'd wake me up. Okay, maybe that didn't make any sense, I could sleep all day. But it's not like I had anything better to do.  
I slept untill breakfast at... God knows when. Probably at seven or eight am. Up to now, every meal seemed the same. At least the nice nurse brought this one. I asked her the same questions from the day before. She smiled, clearly not knowing what to do. She decided in a few seconds. "Okay, I wasn't suppose to tell you, but you can't tell anyone and as much as I know, you were involved in the case. Avery Lazar was in the Tarasov prison untill a few weeks ago. She was highly drugged, as you probably imagine. Then she was replaced here, in hope she might be able to spend her life at least aware of herself most of the time. But she refused to eat the medicine a few times, and then she even pretended to take it, but she really hid it. We found a weekly dose under her pillow two days ago. We had to search trough her room because she used compultion on an employee and then attempted to escape. The same thing happened today, before she was taken back to Tarasov." Huh. So she hasn't changed.  
My eyes must've widened, because the nurse laughed. Then her face got back to serious. "I'd be great if you could keep that for yourself." I smiled. "Duh, I'd never get you in trouble. I'm too busy enough doing that to myself." She smiled again and left.  
I was left alone with my thoughts again, and the story with Avery got me thinking. I didn't think things could get much better for her and I guess she deserved it after taking advantage of so many people for so long and tring to kill Lissa. But... I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her. And I was a bit worried something like that could eventually happen to someone else, like me or Sonya or Lissa. But we might get a second chance and use it better. Avery didn't seem to change even after an experience like that.  
I decided to check the closet again. Why... Not even gonna bother figuring that out. Well, I looked trough every corner and well... Kinda knocked it over. The noise it made was unbelievable and I hurried up putting it back. Which made more noise. Someone was totally comming to check what was going on.  
Then I smelled smoke. There was a small flame under the door. A fire? No. It burned down in a few seconds and only left a small hole behind. It was weird the smoke detector didn't turn on. I was sure they had it. Okay, maybe that wasn't the weird part.  
A note with a pen slidd trough the hole. I picked it up. It said You better not be doing anything stupid in there, cause I'm trying to get you out. -CO. CO? That was so a signature. But who could that be? And the handwriting was so familiar and... Wait. The fire... I stood up and looked trough the window. There was a back and a patch of messy black hair above it. Just as I thought. Christian Ozera. Getting me out? I was lucky. My respond was Sparky, the queen's worse half in person? What are you doing here? I waited for the note to come back. It only took like a minute. Getting you out. Lissa sent me. And watch your atttitude, I can still leave you here. Really? He knew better than that. C'mon, you know me well enough to know I don't watch my attitude. I wouldn't be here otherwise. I was pretty sure everyone knew that. I know. Suprised you didn't compell everyone to let you out. Or use your so called charm and good looks. Yeah, if the circumstances were different, I'd so do that. Nah, they took spirit away. And I was asleep when I came, so no charm, and my good looks aren't so good in these clothes. Yes, the sweatsuit was that horrible. Did you just say something self-doubting? I'm so getting you out. This can't be good for you. True, Ozera, true. Thank goodness he was here. According to how things used to be between us, I never thought I could be so happy to hear from him.  
It took him for about half an hour to talk to the supervisor or whatever it is he was doing, but then the door opened. The manager from yesterday was standing there with Christian. "You're free to go," she said. Then she left me with Christian, whose eyes were wide open. "Wow..." he blurted. I laughed. "I know, don't comment. You never thought someone could look so fucking hot in a sweatsuit." He snorted. "Okay, I have a feeling you're not gonna shut up untill I say it's true. But actually what I never thought I'd see is you without hairgel." Fine, he had a point. I may have spent up to an hour every day with that. But it was for a good cause. Almost charity. "Yeah yeah, I told you I'm in a shape where I'm missing much more that just wheels in my head. Now, how did you get me out so fast?" He laughed. There was a lot of laughing here. Getting out of a mental hospital was a happy event. "I had an emergency envelope with the Queen's stamp and signature, saying to let you out immediately, since your mental health is under controll." He gave me a weird look from the side. "Although I'm not so sure about that." Yeah, neither was I. "How did you guys even know where I am?" I asked.  
"What do you think? Jill called us in the middle of the night." The middle of the night? Oh, right, the vampire schedule. Was I on it right now? We'll se about that. "Hey, thanks for getting me out." Christian shook his head. "You'll thank me after the ride to some airport somewhere. Since you don't have a car." Oh, dear. How much more work was I going to give him? "You don't have to do that. Just take me to the Court and I'll wait for the first plane." He laughed with no humor. "For your dad to find you and take you back? There's no way I'm gonna let that happen." Right. My dad. Why did he even care? However, Christian's look left no other option than to follow him. I'd never admitt it, but I was kinda touched about how much effort he put into helping me. "Seriously, thanks." He just shook his head, showing it was no big deal. "You better go change before we leave." I nodded and went to the bathroom. I wore the clothes I came in. They were all wrinkled up and messy, but I didn't care one bit. I was getting out!  
I didn't know how to act around Christian anymore. He was treating me nicely than ever before. Not that I minded. And I mean, face to face he still had the same attitude. But he took a whole day or maybe even more just to get me out. It was... Something I never would've expected from him. Maybe Lissa told him to. But no, something told me he would've done it anyway. Did he feel sorry for me? Was this just as awkward for him? Cause, I mean, things really were weird between us since his aunt killed mine. I think that part would be the same for anyone. But, I mean, even though he tried to kill me before, we were friends. I'd do the same for him. Well, except for the fact that he'd never end up in a mental hospital. So I figured probably the best thing to do was to act normal. As normal as it got with me.  
When we got outside, I was sure I was not on a vampire schedule. The sun was shining. And I realised Christian also gave up one night's sleep because of me.  
As the sunlight hit my eyes, a flashback formed in my mind. My mom was telling me something. It didn't even have to continue, I already knew what was it about. She told me that one day, when I was a little kid, I was really sad. For the whole day. It probably had something to do with dad. It was summer and when I didn't even cheee up in the evening, she took me outside to see the sunlight for the first time. As far as I remember, she always loved it and told me great things about it. When we got out, the sun was just rising. My mom told me it was one of the most majestic sunrises she'd ever seen. "Still so sad?" she asked me. According to her, I said: "How could I ever be sad again after seeing something so beautiful?" I've always been such a deep person.  
Now I realised why I sometimed called Jill or even Rose sunshine. It meant more than a cute nickname or a compliment. It meant something that was keeping me alive, on Earth, keeping my head up. Something I couldn't live without.  
It's like... I was born in the middle of the darkest starless night, forced to light my way with candles instead of going towards the sun. Aunt Tatiana was such a candle. But candles burn down. So did she. And Rose was the sunrise, for the first time. She lighted my life up. For the first time, I could see where I was going, I was looking forward to the future, I saw things clearly. For the first time, I was happy.  
Then some dark clouds appeared and turned into the worst storm possible. The sky was darker than it was back in the night. Or maybe that was just because I knew the light now.  
And now, the sun was starting to make its way trough the dark. That sun was Jill. And now... Also Sydney. And it was on me to resist the storm, ignore the thunder, fight the clouds and make my way towards the sun.  
Sometimes, when I think like this, I just freak myself out.  
By the time I figured all of that out, Christian already made his way to the road. I didn't even know when I sat into the car. I got too lost in my thoughts.  
Christian and I spent most of the time on the road talking, letting eachother know what had happened since the last time we met. Maybe some people found it a girly thing, but it was like, what, two months? And we didn't gossip, so...  
After a while we were just quiet, but all the awkwardness was gone. "Did you know we used to be neighbours?" What? "No. Really? When? No, no way. I would've remembered."  
"I just figured it out. It was some really fancy Moroi neighbourhood somewhere in Pennsylvania. Near the Court. You can't remember because we didn't see eachother much. I only remember your folks visiting mine. Man, they looked exactly the same." Huh? How could he remember? It was so far away. But yeah, that was probably the time we lived in the house I used in a dream with my mom. "Were there like huge white houses with big gorgeous gardens and stuff? All royals? Obviously rich people?" Christian nodded. "Our parents were pretty close. They once even had a New Year's party together. At your place. I was with Tasha, but I think you were there." Bits of meories started to come back to me. A cold winter's day. House full of people. Fireworks in the garden. A black-haired, blue-eyed man who looked exactly like older Christian, most likely an Ozera, who'd never separate from his wife. His parents. "I remember that night," I said. "We were even in kindergarden together," Christian continued. "No, I don't remember that." He smiled. "Not exactly together. But I saw you in the hall a few times. It had to be you. You acted just the same." I raised my eyebrows. That couldn't be true. I was good as a kid. He laughed at my expression. "Yeah, you did a lot of this. That, and I caught your name a few times." I snorted.  
"Did we leave when I was about six?" Christian nodded after a few seconds. "Yes, it had to be something like that. I was four. The whole neighbourhood moved away. It was because my parents turned Strigoi." He had a what could be a poker face on, but it was obvious this wasn't an easy topic for him.  
After a few minutes of silence Christian recieved a phone call. "It's Lissa," he said. He stopped at the first petrol station. "You don't mind, do you?" he suddenly asked with some weird note in his voice, the one that said I might get even more unstable and depressed because of the fact that he had a love life. He might've had reasons to think so. I might've been the modt miserable version of myself that ever existed after what happened with Rose before I left to Palm Springs. "Please. You got me out if that hellhole. You might as well be doing situps on me, and I'd be happy about it." He laughed. "Yeah, you couldn't get me to do that even if you wanted to." Then he answered the phone and talked to Lissa for a while. I used the time to look around myself for a bit. Woods surrounded the road and it was fascinating. Everything was shining in shades yellow, orange and brown. It amazed me. There wasn't much autumn in Palm Springs. It would be an awesome painting, I realised. I had to try that out.  
After a few minutes I realised Christian was giving me his phone because Lissa wanted to talk to me. "Hello, your majesty," I said. She snorted. "I don't know what you do, Adrian, but you keep shocking me."  
So, after about two hours we reached the closest airport. I only had to wait for an hour for the plane to get there and in another five hours I was back in Palm Springs. I was suprised to see Sydney was waiting for me with her car. My heartbeat raced up as I saw her, but managed to stay calm on the outside. "Hey, Sage. Missed me?" I asked. She smiled. "You have no idea." She studied me for a few seconds. "Did you sleep in these clothes?" I nodded. "Yeah. But not tonight." She didn't look suprised by that. "See, now you have reasons not to get drunk again. We're not gonna be there to save you from a mental hospital every time you do," she said after a while. She made a good point.  
My apartment door was unlocked. I almost fell trough the door when I pressed the door knob and expected it wouldn't open. Sydney laughed quietly behind me. Everyone was in my living room and Jill ran towards me to hug me. "You have no idea how much you freaked me out!" she exclaimed. Yeah, I kinda freaked myself out too.  
Even though it was already evening, the research was still going on. That's kind of why they were all there, except for Jill, who knew I was comming, and Angeline, who didn't want to stay in the campus all alone. But all the work was done when I got there, because some of them wanted to hear what happnened, and the others just listened anyway. In the evening I was quite tired, but I still let Jill dragg me to my bedroom before they left. Her eyes were shining and she was obviously excited to tell me something. "Remember the evening when we came back from L. A. and I told you to call me?" Oh, the time it looked like she was asking me out or something. Wait... I never called her. "Sorry, Jailbait. Spirit killed me that night. I forgot." She gave me a big smile, still as excited as hell. "No problem. That's why I dragged you here! I need to tell you now!" I looked at her waiting for her to sax whatever was that important. "Sydney likes you too! I'm sure! I saw it!" I snorted. "No, she doesn't. She'd never like a vampire. Even if she did, nothing could happen. Anyway, why would she? I mean, it would be nice, but... No, there's no way!" Where did she even get that from? "Come on, check her aura when she's around you. When you have those moments. She tells you stuff just like you do with her." I rolled my eyes. "That's because we're friends! That's as far as I can get with her anyway. I'm not gonna say anything, if that's what you mean." She looked at me like a child. "No, not at all. I'm sure she likes you, but I also know she doesn't know it yet. She probably never had a crush on anyone before. Especially a vampire. Don't say anything. Not yet. But when she realises it... I just wanted to let you know you have a chance." Was she right? Maybe. But I've been thinking enough today.  
Although that didn't stop me from thinking again later, when I was lying in my bed. Comming back to Palm Springs made me feel suprisingly good. Much better than the Court ever did. Back then I didn't even get the chance to get completely sober before I got drunk again. Suddenly I was realising how wrong I was telling Rose she ruined my life, when I never had one before I met her. She only ruined my first glance at living, making me discover how wrong I was before, making me want to live for real. Sydney was right. I had reasons not to get drunk. She was actually the first one on the list. I knew I wasn't gonna stop completely. Not yet. I needed more of her for that. But I was gonna start trying. For Sydney. And a chance with her. Some day.

**Wow, this is a record in words! I so didn't expect that. Maybe I went a bit too far with all the mental hospital stuff. Oh, well. This is probably the last chapter. At least for a while. I'll se about the respones and stuff. But I'm gonna start working on a new story. A Jeddie one. You're welcome to check it ou when it's posted, I'll let you know on my twitter account ( larchi77) if anyone's interested. I'm also probably gonna go trough this whole story and fix the mistakes, try to mak it a little better. And you, please, tell me what you like and what you don't, so that I'll know in the future! Review, review, review! I'm sorry if I'm a bit annoying with this, I just really need to know what people think! Okay, so, goodbye for now, more stories comming soon!**


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